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Pro Audio Haiku—There’s A Bit Of The Poet In Us All…

"Well it worked for Ted Nugent" Do I look crazy?

You may remember learning about Haiku in grade school.

Basically it’s a short form of Japanese poetry usually written in three phrases of 5, 7 and 5 syllables. There are some other “rules,” but you really don’t want a return to grade school, right?

Recently toward the end of yet another fine day in the publishing world, Craig Leerman and I started goofing around with Haiku applied to pro audio.

We ended up laughing a lot and decided to add to the fun by asking the gang in the Live Audio Board (LAB) here on ProSoundWeb to come up with their own Haikus.

Here are some of the results, and no worries that a few don’t conform to the 5-7-5 rule. They’re still funny.

Test, 1-2, 1-2
1, 2, 3. PAH! PUH! HEY! Sssssssss…
Notch out six point three

—Dick Rees

Guitarist’s girlfriend
Wants more guitar in the mains
There’s no guitarist

Outdoor festival
Rain clouds on the horizon
Indoor festival

Waiting for the band
Preset the stage while waiting
“That’s our old stage plot”

—Milt Hathaway

It’s almost show time
Sound check took about a week
Cross-rent PA hums

First song pegged meters
Singer points toward his ear
I’ve dreamed of headroom

Embossed by the grille
The sub’s cone surround looks weak
More kick drum they said

Twelve wireless lavs
Which one is the CEO?
All these talking heads

—Mike Smith

I have no money
My new rig sure sounds good, though
Who will notice it?

Move the mixer please
I need a ficus tree there
Can it go backstage?

House gear is no good!
“Well it worked for Ted Nugent”
Do I look crazy?

—Tim Weaver

What mic is best
For kick drum sound
Are you sure?

That amp can’t be good
Everybody knows that
It’s too light

—John Roberts

“Lead guitar’s too loud”
I cannot move the fader
Below the bottom

—Jeff Carter

Music teachers teach
How to tune, play, maintain
But don’t teach silence

Sound guy can sing, dance
No red lights, music is good
No one watches him

My mic is the best!
Strange instruments hold no fear
57 in my pocket

Load in and load out
Endless silver black cases
Audio clown car

—Bill McIntosh

Two hours to go
Where’s my Les Paul?
Oh, on the stage

Four columns
Four 12-inch speakers
Now that was good sound

—Bob Leonard

Beautiful spring day on tour
Hiking in the Alps
Sorry the tour bus broke down

—Craig Leerman

The PA sounds lousy
Phase or polarity wrong
What’s the difference?

Loudspeaker array
Producing painful noises
Answer: tune the room

—Keith Clark

Read More
Recording Experiments That Didn’t Quite Go As Planned

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