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Pro Audio Haiku, Redux: Where The Poet Laureates Of The Industry Hang Out

Revisiting a fun concept, and no worries that a few may not conform to the 5-7-5 rule – they’re still funny, and we can all use a laugh right now...
ProSoundWeb

Several years ago, we featured pro audio Haiku (here) and decided it might be fun to visit the topic again. You may remember learning about Haiku in grade school.

Basically, Haiku is a short form of Japanese poetry usually written in three phrases of 5, 7 and 5 syllables. There are some other “rules,” but let’s not worry about that now, especially given the challenges of the present times.

Thanks to Craig Leerman, who asked the gang in the Live Audio Board (LAB) on ProSoundWeb to come up with their own Haikus, and you’ll see others offered by some of the editorial team. Here are some of the results, and no worries that a few may not conform to the 5-7-5 rule – they’re still funny. (And let’s face it, we can all use a laugh these days…)

Brian Bolly

Streaming is the norm
Headphone mixes are boring
Bring back big PA

Coffee coffee hey
Why is everyone on mute
Oops I spilled coffee

Zoom, Teams, Skype and Meet
Why is my connection slow?
Need more bandwidth now

It’s been a long year
My friends are out of work too
When will gigs return?

Russell Ault

Squiggles too wiggly
Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Smooth
Fairytale data

Milt Hathaway –

Just like a mirage
Events on my calendar
Get closer, then: Poof

My warehouse is full
My bank accounts are empty
Thanks, 2020

Punters used to ask
“Do you know what those knobs do?”
Now I ask myself

Look on the bright side
No crazy outdoor events
No weather worries

Michael Lawrence –

What’s this button do?
Please don’t post on the forum.
Read the manual

Samantha Potter –

Please don’t cup that mic
It sounds so garbled and boxy
Bad! Bad! No cuppy

High-pass those inputs
Don’t ever skip it my friend
Low-end build-up – yuck

Phase is dependent
Polarity is not
Stop mixing them up

Keith Clark –

The right system tilt?
Why are vocals coming out
Of the subwoofers?

Trying to learn Smaart
What do little squiggles mean?
Hard to get Smaarter

Team Effort:

Jim Yakabuski
His name fills first line of Haiku
That’s how cool he is

You like your console
Analog or digital?
Whatever works best

Too few frequencies
Need a bandplan that will work
Back to the spreadsheet

You want special mic?
But yours already works great
OK, genius

IEMs for all
Stage wedges can be clumsy
Get with the program

Don’t care about wireless
Just turn it on and it works
Until it does not

Find more pro audio Haiku on the LAB thread here.

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