Attention shoppers: the good news is that in this century, there is very little bad sound equipment. There are still plenty of sub-standard engineers (not enough sleep and too much fun) and bad combinations of gear (70-volt clusters and powered mixers driving powered loudspeakers).

But the stuff coming out of the factories — and even a lot of the proprietary (home brew) gear — is light years beyond the stuff we all got stuck with in the past. A not-so-famous philosopher said, “Cynicism is what the ability to see the truth is called by those what ain’t got it.”

I’m not down on trying to make a buck. The sound business doesn’t have to be an oxymoron. We’re all in the same boat (or truck.) If we can own some gear that is just a bit cooler than our neighborhood competitor, allowing us to charge a bit more or snag a slightly more prestigious client, more power to us.

But if we, as an industry, are succumbing to the seductive presentations of marketing departments, then we are just a bunch of beer drinkers in our local pub thinking we’re going to meet that gorgeous person from the commercial because we drink Horse Drip ale.

Smooth Operators
True story: A salesman comes to visit me from a major loudspeaker manufacturer. He is flaunting graphs of a new high-frequency horn. I comment, “That’s a pretty smooth line on that response chart. Was that generated with a B & K?” He replies, “No, the art department came up with it.”

Let’s name the basic rules of pro audio product marketing:

—New is better (except in recording, where older is better, especially if it has been discontinued.)

—If the punters can build it in their garage, it must be squelched. How many of you seniors remember the 4560, also called the Perkins box? I think many of our readers used to sketch these in study hall and build ‘em in wood shop.

—If it remotely can be tied into a basic law of audio physics (every Grateful Dead fan knows big stacks couple) and contains an outrageous use of a low-cost component (we’ve got warehouse shelves full of 7-inch loudspeakers,) it will set everyone to talking.

—Make it heavy so you can come out with a “light/compact” version.

—Use buzz words like “truck pack,” “sets up in minutes,” “stage hands love it,” “turnkey,” “increases your revenue” and so on.

—Name it something that sounds exotic (un-pronounceable) or scientific (letters and numbers).

—Package it with “easy-to-use software.”

—Start a “users group” to get referrals and create a warm-and-fuzzy feeling about being part of the club.

—Make the cost of entry high enough that only 5 percent of the user base actually pays retail and the other 95 percent sign on as “exclusive dealers,” limited to one per bank branch. Dealer cost has now become the new “street price.” The manufacturers are in effect selling direct and pocketing what used to be called dealer margin.

—Put a tube (or do you say valve?) in it somewhere

—Make it un-usable without a proprietary processor. Dr. Bose thought of this and the rest lifted it. It’s a dongle for your ears (what an ugly picture).

The Other Side
Now, in contrast with the marketing rules, try these test questions:

—Would you want to be sitting in the seats at the “transition point” between these two arrays?

—Can the product last more than three years? (If so, how and how long?)

—If I don’t have this product, will I die?

—Has the industry reached a tipping point caused by monetary gain?

—Can the cost of this new gadget add to your bottom line?

—Is this something the band is more likely to carry?

For quite some time now, the hype machine has been working overtime on Jah’s great gift to audio: The Line Array. This technology has many admirers. However, it is not a save-all/do-everything device or approach. It’s vital to keep one’s wits and understand what applications any piece of gear is best suited for.

Is the line array the hammer of the 21st century? And does this tool of our trade get spec’d in situations where a saw or screwdriver might instead be the correct tool? You’ve all read the voluminous editorials extolling the virtues of said technology, but maybe there are situations where current (or even past) technology might be just the ticket.

In The Real World
A matter of selecting the right tool for the right job. Ever tried to sink a screw with a hammer?

I recall mixing a corporate show outdoors in Hawaii at a large resort hotel. The client was jazzed about using “Brand A” line arrays (no names to protect the innocent) and the local sound company had just bought a shiny new rig. We put two ground-based stacks stage left and right on a medium-sized stage facing a grassy knoll covered with “10 tops” (round tables for 10 diners), surrounded by food stations serving local gourmet fare. We observed all rules of engagement: exceed minimum cabinet configuration, don’t mess with my processor, all Speakons locked and loaded, etc.

The sound for all styles of speech and music (R & B, Sinatra impersonator, Jimmy Buffet pop, and disco with heavy bass) was clear and clean. Granted, I would have achieved this with any medium-to-high-quality rig. That’s why I get the big bucks. At about 9 pm, hotel management came by to ask us to turn down the system.

Now I know when it’s hot and when it isn’t. A corporate outdoor party needs levels strong enough to get people partying (feel it in your feet) but they also still like to network, so levels weren’t what any of us would call loud.

However, it still has to be hot enough to project over the noise created by the kids driving by in their Vin Diesel sub-woofered Nissans.

Due to the voodoo coupling of the line array, the sound at 500 yards was more than a little too loud for the folks on their balconies back at the hotel. While they were looking out at the ocean, sunset, palms and our little get-together, the sound of our musicians was in their faces. Not very romantic.

No matter how much I attenuated, the SPL at the balcony railings didn’t get down to an acceptable level. Thus: wrong tool for the job.

The hotel had to do some mass comping of rooms on that side of the hotel, and even moved some diehards to the back (with no ocean view). A few cases of bubbly on our client’s bill and we got out without a lynching. (Those honeymooners and seniors can get pretty mean in a herd.)

Another example: I once got some comps to a “post-Sammy” Van Halen show. The gig was at our local arena, now named after an insurance agency instead of a dot or telecom. The system used a line array with 18 boxes in a “J” hang, stage right and left, with subs under the stage. At 90 degrees off stage on either side were more boxes in a shallow “C” arc. Pretty meager amount of gear for a loud band.

I got what I thought were going to be O.K. seats in the mezzanine about 20 rows up from the deck, on a diagonal off the stage-right corner. Nice sight lines, above the folks standing on their chairs. The band fires up… and I’m in the null spot between the two arrays. Now I know why the seats were free! All I could hear was the return slapping off the back wall. If I moved 75 feet in either direction, sound was fine. But again: wrong tool.

Form Follows Function
I heard one of the “boy bands” outdoors using Brand B loudspeakers (with the recently merged Brand C barcode on the back) at the same facility that I heard one of the most storied rock groups with its Brand D line arrays. Kind of a neat case of extremes; the world ’s most popular non-band (they’re singers) versus a legendary band.

Musical and audience tastes aside, the Brand B system – a little long in the tooth by hype standards – sounded darn good, while Brand D – savior of our industry – was less than good. A buddy who was with me at the rock band show and had not worked this peculiar venue asked “Does it always sound like this?” I’m talking specifically about what a big rig does in a place that holds 80,000 people, not the balance of the mix, which was fine in both cases.

Sometimes a more traditional approach, such as ground-stacked horizontal arrays, is still the appropriate choice.

The moral of these stories? The myriad advantages that new technologies can offer should always be considered as functions of getting a particular job done in the most satisfying manner. We can count on the manufacturers to come up with new and innovative ways to improve our results and propel us forward.

You only have yourself to trust when it comes to plunking down hard-earned greenbacks for new gear. Nobody, and I mean nobody, works harder than the people in the sound reinforcement industry.

So do justice to yourself, as well as your clients, and keep an open mind when shopping. Don’t let the glitz and glamour of the gear blind you to what’s best for your business. Leave the glitz and glamour to the folks onstage we all work for.

Save your hammer for when you’ve got something to nail, and reach into your toolbox when you don’t. After all, we’re professionals, and our ears are what we get paid to use, not our egos.