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HYPNOTISTS AND THERAPY
This admittedly gets out of the live sound arena, but I feel sorry for this Joey guy, and would like to help him.
Hey Old Soundman!
HEY JOEY V!
I've been working in the industry for a few a years mostly mixing FOH at local venues and music festivals. I admit I did go to the dreaded "audio school" so I could get a jumpstart in the field (SEA in Nashville, hey at least it's not Full Sail, right?).
IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT WASN'T, JOEY.
YOU WERE STILL CORRUPTED BY THE MAN!
IF WE EVER SHARE A MEAL SOMEDAY, PLEASE DON'T TRY TO DRINK OUT OF MY SWEET TEA, OR MY WATER GLASS. IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL.
So, I like to think I know a little bit about pro audio.
GET IN LINE, PAL.
AND IT'S A LONG, LONG LINE.
One of the rock bands I mix live for regularly decided to turn their practice space in a studio and asked for my help in choosing the gear. They had a financial backer but still a tight budget.
CAN YOU PLEASE PUT ME IN TOUCH WITH THIS FINANCIAL BACKER? I WOULD LIKE TO UPGRADE THE SYSTEM IN MY CLUB, AND ALSO PURCHASE A NEW AUTOMOBILE.
I was more than happy to give them some suggestions for putting together a budget studio. I have a nice assortment of mics, so I told them not to bother getting mics, I'd let them use mine to save money.
DID YOU MAKE THEM SIGN A FORM STATING THEY WOULD PAY FOR ANY DAMAGE TO THEM? YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE, JOEY! YOU'RE LEAVING YOURSELF OPEN TO ALL KINDS OF GRIEF.
I suggested a pair of inexpensive 8 channel mic pres or a small console into the motu 24i/o into a PC with Nuendo (go ahead all you Pro Tools guys, I Iike Nuendo).
YOU ARE IN GOOD COMPANY, JOEY, WITH ALAN PARSONS AND SAM BERKOW.
Well...I guess it's all my fault. Neither did I go with them to buy the gear nor even stop them from going to Guitar Center.
YOU DIDN'T?
WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?
YOU NEED TO SAY A WHOLE BUNCH OF HAIL MARYS AND OUR FATHERS! YOU NEED TO MARCH DOWN A STREET WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER GUYS WHILE WHIPPING YOURSELVES WITH CAT'O'NINE-TAILS MADE OUT OF BARBED WIRE! YOU NEED TO GO INTO THE WILDERNESS FOR FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS!
I got a call to come to the new studio and check out all this "great stuff" they got, and help set everything up. When I got there I did all I could to not strangle every one of the guys in the band.
THAT'S GOOD, JOEY, OTHERWISE YOU WOULD BE IN PRISON NOW.
I asked them why they got this stuff and not the gear that I suggested and they replied with "The guy at the store said we should get this instead!" Holy Crap!
THEY MUST HAVE BEEN HITTING THE BONG BEFORE THEY WENT THERE.
Here's what they bought (not the complete list but this will give you the idea):
Motu 896hd - $1249.97
+ Blue "mouse" mic - $1299.00
+ Avalon VT-737SP preamp - $2295
= not enough money left to buy the computer to record with
They spent over $3500 on a vocal channel without even listening to it first 'cause the guy at the store told them to!
WHO IS THIS GUY?
CAN I GET SOME LESSONS IN HYPNOSIS FROM HIM?
YOU SHOULD GET THEM TOO!
And they now have only 8 channels to record to 'cause they didn't have enough to buy a second motu 896hd! Not to mention the 24i/o w/ outboard pre's is much better suited for what they'll be using it for. But I guess it doesn't even matter right now 'cause they'll need to save up $500 to buy a computer before they can start using this stuff.
I CAN TELL YOU ARE RECOMMENDING A PC INSTEAD OF A G5, JOEY. YOU MUST NOT BE A MAC GUY.
IT WILL BE A HARSH DAY WHEN SOMEBODY SENDS OUT A MAC VIRUS, AFTER ALL THE YEARS OF US CLAPPING OURSELVES ON THE BACK BECAUSE WE ARE NOT AFFECTED BY ALL THE PC VIRUSES.
Oh yeah, and they bought headphones but no headphone amps.
DID THE HYPNOTIST FORGET TO COMMAND THEM TO BUY THE HEADPHONE AMPS?
I hate musicians!
So here's my question: How can I go on with my life without killing myself or the band?
Thanks
-Joey V
YOU'RE VERY WELCOME, JOEY!
THE ANSWER IS YOU NEED TO HIT THE BONG AS OFTEN AS THEY DO.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT, YOU CAN FIND A GOOD THERAPIST.
IF THAT'S NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA, YOU CAN GO TO THE GYM.
IF THAT DOESN'T FLOAT YOUR BOAT, TRY MODEL ROCKETRY.
I THINK THE BEST RESULTS WOULD BE IF YOU TRIED ALL OF THE ABOVE!
A GENTLEMAN NAMED MICHAEL WHO IS EMPLOYED BY A VERY PRESTIGIOUS PROVIDER IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA WROTE IN SORT OF A FAN LETTER.
WHAT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT IS WHY HE SENT IT IN TO THE WEBMASTER, INSTEAD OF DIRECTLY TO ME.
HERE IT IS, FOR YOUR PERUSAL:
I truly enjoyed your latest column with the revolting youngster. I found your reply to both witty and salient. I have had the opportunity to deal with/run across folks of his background and found them to be a mix of both a blessing and a curse.
The reason for my writing, however was to point out that while you two are arguing over two ends of a continuum, there are many of us who found a third path into the business.
I am 43 years old and have been doing this professionally for the last 25 years. I went to a state university here in California and earned a BA in Radio & Television with an audio emphasis. The information I received there was both invaluable and incomplete. I learned things there that I would never learn on the road or in clubs (acoustics, basic electrical theory, advanced mathematics, and a wide appreciation for various art forms), although I use it on a daily basis. From there I went on to work in the club scene and eventually on to touring audio where my education was completed.
My point in writing is that there are things to be learned in both places, and I do not think that there needs to be "one true path" to audio enlightenment. The kids that come out of school still need to get out there and pay their dues and learn the day to day stuff that a good sound person needs to know, but the jump-start that a well-rounded education can give is, in the long run, invaluable.
Thanks for the column and the opportunity to respond.
YOU'RE WELCOME, MICHAEL!
YOU ARE A VERY WELL-SPOKEN YOUNG MAN.
I WORKED A SHOW WITH YOU ONCE, BUT I AM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHICH ONE IT WAS.
LUV -
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
