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Salary & Benefits
WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS STEVE GUY? HERE HE HAS A LIFESTYLE
THAT 80% OF HUMANITY CANNOT EVEN DREAM OF ACHIEVING, AND HE
WANTS TO THROW IT ALL AWAY. TO BE A SOUNDMAN?
HE NEEDS IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE, WON’T YOU HELP?
FOR JUST $3.95 A MONTH, I WILL SEND YOU COLOR PHOTOS OF STEVE
RECEIVING MANY ELECTROSHOCK TREATMENTS, AND HAVING UNFORTUNATE
AND VERY SERIOUS SIDE EFFECTS FROM VARIOUS PHARMACEUTICAL
MEDICATIONS.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING 1 (800) OSM-4LUV.
OH, HIS LETTER …
I have been asked to be the "Sound Dude" (or
"Concert Operations Manager" as I prefer to call
it)
THAT’S KIND OF FUNNY, BUT ALSO KIND OF SILLY. DON’T
GET ME WRONG, WHEN I WAS A YOUNG PUP LIKE YOU, TITLES MEANT
A LOT TO ME, TOO.
for a local band, since once upon a time I was a "roadie"
for the likes of Brooks & Dunn, Randy Travis, Sammy Kershaw,
and others.
HEY, WHAT’S RANDY TRAVIS REALLY LIKE? WHY’D HE MARRY
THAT OLD BABE, ANYWAY? I’M SORRY, DO YOU HAVE AN AUDIO-RELATED
QUESTION, OR ARE YOU JUST HERE TO DROP NAMES?
However, I did not work as a sound tech (I was a "lighting/video
dude"). I guess the band thinks that I would just automatically
know live audio because I've been to a lot of concerts .
AREN’T PEOPLE GREAT? LIKE MAYBE I SHOULD BE A COP, BECAUSE
I HAVE GOTTEN SO MANY TRAFFIC TICKETS. MAYBE I SHOULD BE A
COW BECAUSE I HAVE CONSUMED SO MUCH MILK! MOOOOOOO!
YOU ARE PROBABLY TOO YOUNG TO HAVE HEARD THE OLD SAYING –
IF MY GRANDMOTHER HAD WHEELS, SHE’D BE A TRUCK!
I know the basics of mixing live audio,
AS DO I, STEVO, AS DO I. SEE? WE’RE REALLY BUDDIES, TOTAL
BRETHREN, HAIL FELLOWS WELL MET, WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE,
WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING LINE ARRAYS!
But would like to acquire a serious working knowlege of
pro-sound,
AS WOULD I, STEVERINO, AS WOULD I! DID YOU EVER SEE THE OLD
CLIP OF STEVE ALLEN INTERVIEWING LENNY BRUCE? THAT ROCKED!
WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT?
and perhaps pursue a career in the field. (The telecom
company I work for is bankrupt, and my job as a video tech
getting boring.)
Oh Wisest of the Wise . . . Where do I start ??
Thanks,
Steve
DUDE, IF YOU HAVE GOT A SALARY AND BENEFITS, DO NOT, I REPEAT
NOT, WALK AWAY FROM IT!!! YOU MUST NOT BE A PARENT. SEE, ME,
WITH THE WIFE AND THE YOUNG SOUNDMAN, I DON’T HAVE THE
OPTION OF SPITTING IN THE FACE OF MY SALARY, AND RUNNING AWAY
TO JOIN THE ROCK CIRCUS ALL OVER AGAIN.
I DO HAVE TO ADMIT THAT YOU GET SOME POINTS FOR ADDRESSING
ME AS THE WISEST OF THE WISE. THE OLD SOUNDWOMAN HAS A FEW
OTHER TERMS SHE USES TO DESCRIBE ME, WISEASS IS PROBABLY THE
ONLY ONE THAT CAN BE USED ON A FAMILY WEBSITE.
HERE’S THE BIG QUESTION, STEVIE BOY – DO YOU REALLY
ENJOY COILING UP XLR CABLES? BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE
TO, ABOUT A MILLION OF THEM OVER TIME.
THE SHOWS ARE A BITCH, AND THEN YOU COIL CABLES. YOU WOULD
HAVE TO BE CLINICALLY INSANE TO CHOOSE A LIFESTYLE LIKE THAT.
I KNOW I WAS!
HERE, JUST BITE DOWN ON THIS RUBBER BLOCK, AND LET ME SMEAR
A LITTLE CONDUCTIVE PASTE ONTO YOUR TEMPLES, THIS WON’T
HURT A BIT!
LUV
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
