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Youngsters Rebel
Young Josh has got a bone to pick with yours truly. But I
don’t know what I ever did to him!
There has never been any hating on my part, I just don’t
have time for a bunch of greenhorns slowing me up in my working
life.
Haven’t I encouraged and complimented a lot of young
pilgrims, many times, right here?
Of course I have!
Hey Old Sound Man,
HEY, JOSH!
I keep up with all of your writing, and I got to say: you
sure seem to hate us youngster sound guys. You know, the ones
who go to expensive schools, so we can be brainwashed into
believing 5.1 surround is the best thing for music, and louder
is better.
YOU SAID IT,
NOT ME.
As a spokesperson for us young sound guys, I must say this.
We are not the idiots you make us out to be.
YES, YOU ARE!
I personally am going to a school to get a firm grounding
in Audio Production without all the trial and error.
TRIAL AND ERROR IS THE ONLY
ROUTE TO TRUE KNOWLEDGE.
YOU MUST TRY. AND YOU MUST
ERR.
IT’S THE ONLY WAY.
DO YOU SEE HOW
THEY’VE PROGRAMMED YOU, JOSH?
AH, IT JUST BREAKS
AN OLD MAN’S HEART!
DO YOU WANT TO BE AN AUDIO PRODUCER AT FOX NEWS OR SOMETHING?
DO YOU THINK THAT WILL GET YOU A DREAM DATE WITH JILLIAN
BARBERIE?
I
WANT SOME OF WHAT YOU’VE BEEN SMOKING!
Many times, our parents tell us that we have to get degrees
because no one will hire people without degrees these days
(sadly true in any field).
NOT THE FIELD OF ICE CREAM TRUCK DRIVING.
HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN THE FILM “TREE’S
LOUNGE?”
So if I have to go to school for something, why not Audio
Production. Beats the hell out of Accounting.
LOOK,
TO ME, MY ACCOUNTANT IS AN ARTIST.
PLUS HE MAKES A
LOT MORE CASHISH THAN MOST ARTISTS. CHANCES ARE HIS WIFE AND
KIDS WOULD NOT SUPPORT HIM SWITCHING TO A CAREER IN AUDIO
PRODUCTION.
UNLESS HE STARTED RAKING IN THE KIND OF
DOUGH THAT ME AND SCOVILL OR BIG MICK BRING HOME.
And I as well as the majority of young sound guys know
that nothing can substitute the experience of actual work
over classrooms.
WELL,
IT’S NICE TO FINALLY HEAR YOU SAY SO, BUT THAT LEAVES
THE MINORITY WHO DON’T KNOW THAT, DOES IT NOT?
THEY
ARE VERY DANGEROUS YOUNG PEOPLE.
THERE IS GOING TO
COME A TIME WHEN YOU WILL HAVE TO DECIDE WHOSE SIDE YOU’RE
ON – THEIRS, OR SOCIETY’S. IT’S A CHOICE
BETWEEN ALL THAT IS GOOD AND DECENT VERSUS TOTAL ANARCHY,
JOSH, AND PAINFUL, SCREECHING ANARCHY AT THAT.
Unfortunately, not many of us have access to all the equipment.
YES,
YOU DO!
School is a way to get us working with the stuff that sounds
good, and not the Radio Shack brand four channel "DJ
Mixer."
WHAT’S WRONG WITH
THAT? GET ON THE MIC!
IF A WHITE GUY LIKE EMINEM CAN
DO IT, SO CAN YOU.
“MY NAME IS JOSH, I GO TO
FULL SAIL, THEY TAUGHT ME NOT TO TOUCH THAT 48 VOLT RAIL!”
You and your old friends got to realize that times are
changing.
NO, WE DON’T!
We can't just "go out there and start working".
YES, YOU CAN, WHAT
THE HECK ARE YOU RAVING ABOUT? GO TO BEERCAN BILLY’S
BOAT HOUSE, DOWN BY THE LAKE! PAY SOME DUES!
OH, BUT
YOU DON’T THINK YOU HAVE TO PAY ANY DUES!
YOU
THINK YOU CAN GO TO SOME ANTISEPTIC SCHOOLROOM, WHERE THERE
IS A DISTINCT LACK OF PSYCHO MUSICIANS, PROMOTERS, OR GENERATOR
GUYS, AND ABSORB THE SACRED KNOWLEDGE, WITHOUT GETTING ALL
STRESSED OUT.
YOU NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH MY
BUDDY HERNAN!
THAT’S WHAT YOU NEED!
No one is going to let us touch their equipment anymore,
because they think that just because we don't have 20 years
of experience we are absolute idiots.
(INSERT SOUND OF MUFFLED CHORTLING)
Just to show you that I am not here to completely chew
you out, I am going to let you in on a little secret. I agree
with you about Zoned
Dual Mono.
NOW
YOU’RE TALKIN’, JOSH.
FINALLY, YOU HAVE
GOTTEN WITH THE PROGRAM.
NOW GO OUT AND TELL ALL YOUR
FRIENDS ABOUT WHY THE ZDM PROTOCOL RULES. I THINK THAT’S
THE LEAST YOU CAN DO.
Music in my mind doesn't have to ever be more than this,
and shouldn't be more than stereo. Those 5.1 (EXPLETIVE
DELETED) can sit in the middle of their speakers and pretend
that it sounds better, but most of my personally enlightening
moments have come from listening with a good pair of headphones.
AND ENJOYING YOUR “FREEDOM
SMOKE,” YES?
THEN YOU READ “GET
YOUR WAR ON” – RIGHT?
SMILE WHEN YOU SAY: “MY NEW FILING
TECHNIQUE IS UNSTOPPABLE!”
Go ahead and rip this e-mail apart.
(INSERT
CRAZED PIT-BULL GROWLING HERE)
Anyone can sit around and whine about my arguments all
day, citing examples, which do exist.
READ THE GREAT PHILOSOPHERS, JOSH.
SARTRE. CAMUS. BILL
HICKS.
But while you old guys do that, most of us youngsters will
continue to do what we do best, which is keep an open mind,
try new things, and keep learning.
“GOT TO FEEL IT NOW!
UH! YEEAAAHHH! GOOD GOD! MACEO, BLOW YOUR HORN! TO THE BRIDGE!
COME ON NAH!!!”
(IMITATION OF EDDIE MURPHY’S
A-CAPELLA PRISON BUS MASTERPIECE, WITH HIS HEADPHONES ON,
IN “48 HOURS” PART 2.)
You couldn't ask for anything more.
I dare you to answer this.
Josh
YOU SHOULD HAVE BET ME SOMETHING, JOSH, BUT THAT IS
WHAT FULL-GROWN MEN WITH THE COURAGE OF THEIR CONVICTIONS
DO.
OKAY, SO TOTALLY PICKLED ALCOHOLICS AT GREYHOUND
TRACKS IN FLORIDA ALSO DO IT, AS WELL AS CHAIN-SMOKING GRANDMAS
IN VEGAS AT THE SLOT MACHINES.
YOU STILL SHOULD HAVE
BET ME SOMETHING!
BECAUSE I COULD BE COLLECTING ON
IT NOW.
LUV
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
NOW
JOSH, TAKE A MINUTE AND DIG THE RESPECT AND GRATITUDE I GET
FROM ROGER, HERE. I DON’T HAVE ANY IDEA IF HE IS 16
OR 60, BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER TO ME, AND IT DOESN’T
MATTER TO ROGER.
WE’RE JUST TWO SOULS, CELEBRATING
THE MIRACLE OF COMMUNICATION.
Old Soundguy;
YES,
ROGER, FELLOW HUMAN!
I was reading your explanation of pre-delay on a reverb
program. And for the first time it clicked, pre-delay provides
separation between the note and verb.
Thanx -
Roger
YOU’RE THE
MAN, ROGER! LETTERS LIKE YOURS ARE WHAT KEEPS ME GOING!
HOW
ARE YOU DOING ON YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF VCA’S? (LITTLE
INSIDE JOKE THERE, BETWEEN ME AND THE HYPER-CRITICAL PARTY-POOPERS
OVER ON THE L.A.B.)
LUV
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
