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Good Questions
I take my hat off to this guy Rick. He has obviously been
around the block. This is not his first rodeo. He was born
at night, but not last night! I helped him out with a little
capitalization, he is one of these nouveau all-lower-case
spends-too-much-time-in-chatrooms guys. No offense, Rick!
Hi old timer (I'm probably older than you),
DON’T BET ON IT, PAL!
What do you do when local police park outside your venue and
threaten DUI charges on your would-be patrons?
GIVE EACH COP A FIFTY, AND THEY WILL GO AWAY.
GIVE THE SERGEANT A HUNDRED.
What do you do after the last "production" room
is shut down in your city by the local legislation? And fees,
fines, permits, zoning, and threat of arrest deter you from
doing it on your own property?
RICK, WHAT KIND OF CITIZEN ARE YOU, TO AGGRAVATE THE POWERS
THAT BE THIS WAY? DOES MISTER ASHCROFT KNOW ABOUT YOU?
What do you do when you pay for expensive tickets to see a
classic (and famous) rock band, but the police come on in
after the show's begun, and tell the P.A. company to turn
the sound down (read: off) because it's too loud?
HMMM. ASSAULT THE COPS? NO, WOULDN’T BE PRUDENT.
CALL THE ANSWERING MACHINE OF THE PROMOTER (FROM A PAY PHONE)
AND IN YOUR MOST EVIL DENNIS HOPPER VOICE, CASTIGATE HIM FOR
NOT DELIVERING THE PROPER BRIBE TO THE LOCAL COPS.
HE WILL ASK “ARE YOU THREATENING ME?”
THEN YOU SAY – “IT’S NOT A THREAT, PAL –
IT’S A PROMISE!”
AND SLAM THE PHONE DOWN.
HE’LL BE CRAPPING HIS FLANNEL JAMMIES!
What do you do when what venues in your city that are left
are all corporately owned, with their own sound and lights,
and effectively softly-force touring bands to settle for the
"in-house" systems?
THAT’S LIFE, BRO. I’M NOT WITH YA ON THIS ONE.
IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THUS, AM I RIGHT?
COME ON – IF THE BAND YOU WORK FOR CAN SELL OUT A BIG
ENOUGH VENUE TO BRING IN YOUR SEMI WITH THE EXPENSIVE LINE
ARRAYS AND DIGITAL CONSOLES, AND THE DRIVER NAMED “FROGGY,”
THEN MORE POWER TO ‘EM. IF THEY CAN’T, THEN TOUGH
… UH, YOU KNOW WHAT.
THIS IS A FAMILY WEBSITE, RICK!
SEE IF YOU CAN GET A GIG WITH FUGAZI.
What do you do when laws are passed to charge even a venues
owner (who may be 1,000 miles away) of contributing to the
delinquency of a minor, because a concert was held on his
rental property after a kid got drunk and was arrested while
driving home? (And no alcohol vendors were even around.)
NOW THAT IS NOT COOL. NEITHER IS PROSECUTING RAVE PROMOTERS
UNDER THE CRACK-HOUSE LAWS.
WHAT WE HAVE HERE IN AMERICA IS A CULTURE CLASH, RICK. NOT
THAT I’M TELLING YOU ANYTHING YOU DON’T ALREADY
KNOW.
THE CONSERVATIVES ARE CAPITALIZING UPON THE SINS OF THE DORKS
WHO CAN’T HANDLE THEIR DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.
ALSO, IF YOU WATCH “COPS,” YOU WILL NOTICE THAT
THERE IS MUCH MORE PERSECUTION OF LOWER-CLASS PROSTITUTES
WHO WORK THE STREETS, THAN THOSE WHO SERVICE THE JUDGES, LOBBYISTS
AND SENATORS IN EXPENSIVE HOTEL SUITES.
I AM SORRY TO SOUND LIKE A COMMUNIST, RICK, AND ALSO WE SHOULD
GET BACK TO AUDIO.
What do you do when equipment manufacturers come to sell "pro"-audio
equipment cheaper than grits, flooding an already saturated
market with more cheap equipment?
CHEAPER THAN GRITS? DID I SEE YOU AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE YESTERDAY
MORNING?
What do you do when most clients cannot discern quality from
crap as pertaining to the "cheap equipment" described
above. And then choose their provider on a strictly "lowest-bidder"
basis?
WELL, THERE’S ALWAYS THE OLD SENDING-TWENTY-PIZZAS TO
THEIR OFFICE TRICK. THAT SEEMS KIND OF ADOLESCENT, THOUGH.
SO DOES TOILET PAPERING THEIR OFFICE BUILDING.
MOVE TO ANOTHER TOWN!
TOO BAD FOR YOU THAT ATLANTIS SANK BENEATH THE WAVES, I THINK
YOU WOULD HAVE GROOVED ON IT.
What do you do when you can't see yourself doing anything
but pro sound, because it's what you do, but even if you offer
free gear to clients, they can't be swayed your way?
YOU AREN’T THE FIRST SOUNDMAN I’VE HEARD SING
THIS SONG, BELIEVE ME. AND YOU WON’T BE THE LAST!
IN FACT, I HAVE HARMONIZED ON A FEW VERSES OF IT IN MY TIME.
HAVE A COUPLE SHOTS OF GEORGE
DICKEL AND LISTEN TO THE
HAG, RICK, YOU WILL FEEL BETTER.
What do you do ? - I asked you, what would you do?
I WAS LUCKY, I WENT IN PARTNERS WITH MY BUDDY WHO IS MUCH
SMARTER ABOUT MONEY THAN ME. THAT’S WHY WE HAVE OUR
CLUB, AND I GET TO BE THE SWAGGERING PRODUCTION MANAGER THERE.
STOP STAGGERING, START SWAGGERING!
Myself, I have to keep doing different things and trying
out new angles. Why? Because I'm an old soundman and this
is my career. (I feel like the guy who lost his career putting
up roof-mount TV antennas.)
RICK, I AM VERY SERIOUS WHEN I SAY YOU MAY BE THE FUNNIEST
PERSON WHO HAS EVER WRITTEN IN. I’M NOT SURE IF YOU
ARE TRYING TO BE, WITH WHAT YOU JUST SAID, BUT WHAT A BEAUTIFUL
COMPARISON.
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING AN ADVERTISING COPYWRITER? MAYBE
YOU COULD ARRANGE AN ACCIDENT FOR JAMES CARVILLE, AND START
RUNNING POLITICAL CAMPAIGNS. GO FOR THE THROAT, RICK!
I'm often asked by young kids- "What sort of school
should I attend to learn this interesting trade called live
sound?"
Save your money, work for the federal or state government.
RICK, RICK, WHAT’S GOT INTO YOU, PAL OF MINE? AREN’T
YOU PROUD OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IN YOUR LIFELONG STRUGGLE
TO DO THE RIGHT THING, AND HAVE A LITTLE FUN IN BETWEEN?
ARE YOU JUST GONNA THROW IN THE TOWEL?
NOT WHILE I’M DIRECTING THIS MOVIE, YOU’RE NOT,
MISTER!
One last question, what do you do when the world’s
leading recording industry magazine has "What Can Save
the Music Industry?" placarded on its front cover?
THAT’S A TOUGH ONE.
WRITE A LETTER TO THEIR EDITOR?
LET ME HIP YOU TO SOMETHING – A MAGAZINE HAS TO PUT
SOMETHING ON THEIR COVER EVERY MONTH. SOMETIMES IT’S
VALID, SOMETIMES IT’S AN ACT OF DESPERATION. WOULD ANYBODY
PICK UP THAT MAG IF IT HAD “WE DON’T KNOW ANY
MORE THAN YOU DO ABOUT ANYTHING” ON THE COVER?
MY REACTION TO THE COVER STORY YOU ARE REFERRING TO WAS TO
SIMPLY CHUCKLE.
I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU, RICK.
hugs & kisses,
Rick - the other old soundman
PLEASE, RICK! DO NOT EXPRESS SAME-SEX AFFECTION HERE!
THIS IS A FAMILY SITE!
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?
LUV
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
HEY, THIS FREAKY CHICK WROTE IN, SEE WHAT HER BIZARRE REQUEST
WAS:
Hey!! Sup? Well I want a nickname....and I waz wondering
f u can make one for me!? Well my name is Shayla.
MAN, I THOUGHT RICK WAS BAD WITH HIS LOWER CASE SHENANIGANS.
SHAYLA HAS GONE OFF THE DEEP END OF PSEUDO-HIP-HOP-ISMS! PULL
UP THOSE PANTS, YOUNG LADY! TURN THAT CAP AROUND THE RIGHT
WAY! GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT FAKE I.D.!
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD YOUR PARENTS WORKED TO BUY YOU
THAT IPOD THAT YOU’VE FILLED UP WITH EMINEM AND FIFTY
CENT?
SO WHAT I COULD I TELL HER – EXCEPT SHE KNOWS SHE’S
GOT TO BE:
SHAY-SHAY!
