 |
Plugs'n'stuff
Our amigo nuevo who calls himself SPA1 (well, it could be
a female SPA1, no law against that, I guess) is reaching the
boiling point - as so many of us have - with the knuckleheads
who wear earplugs to allegedly save their ears, but then want
the beleaguered yet noble soundperson to crank the monitor
until the sound pressure level is what it would have been
before they put in the plugs!!!
Old Sound Man
YES, SPA1! WERE YOUR PARENTS NAMED SPA.09?
I have enjoyed reading your comments for some time now.
SEE, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE NAMED YOURSELF AFTER A DECADENT
OUTDOOR LOVE
TUB, YOU’RE OKAY!
I wonder if you might give us your insight regarding musicians
who use earplugs (sometimes very sophisticated ear plugs,)
but then require ridiculous monitor levels on stage.
THERE WAS A LACK OF LOVE IN THESE PEOPLE’S LIVES WHEN
THEY WERE CHILDREN.
I run into more problems with drummers that wear ear plugs
than I'd like to.
Best –
SPA1
I’LL BET YOU DO! BACK IN THE SEVENTIES, ROCK MUSICIANS
WEREN’T A BUNCH OF SOY LATTE SIPPING SISSIES! THEY TURNED
UP THEIR BIG OLD AMPS AND BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THEIR CLEAR
PLASTIC DRUMS, AND WE GAVE THEM AS MUCH SIDEFILL AS WE COULD
AND THEN THEY DID A SHOW, DAMMIT!
YOU, LIKE ME, ARE PROBABLY SICK OF THESE SHAVEN-HEADED SUBURBANITES,
THESE TAME DOMESTICATED ANIMALS WITH THEIR DUMB-ASS “TRIBAL”
TATTOOS, THEIR CLICK TRACKS AND THEIR CAREFULLY ASSEMBLED
MULTI-LAYER LOOPS AND THEIR $10,000 KITS WITH THE FIFTEEN
CYMBALS.
DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE DYED BLACK HAIR!
KICK, SNARE, HAT, LITTLE LORD FAUNTLEROY!
A RACK, A FLOOR, A CRASH AND A RIDE, TRUST FUND JIMMY!
IF THESE KIDS PLAYED MUSIC THAT MADE ANY SENSE, THEY WOULDN’T
HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE FOLLOWING EACH OTHER! THE DEVIL WAS WORKING
OVERTIME WHEN HE CAME UP WITH HIS MASTERPIECE, THE DRUM MACHINE!
BANDS THAT PAID THEIR DUES IN THE OLD DAYS, THAT PLAYED IN
BARS NIGHT AFTER STINKING NIGHT, THEY UNDERSTOOD HOW TO STRIP
IT DOWN:
“SHE’S GOT LEGS!”
“ROUND AND ROUND!”
“ALL SHE WANTS TO DO IS DANCE!”
EVERY ONE OF SHERYL CROW’S BIG HITS! BOOM BAP! BOOM
BOOM BAP! HUEY LEWIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING, YOU
WERE JUST WORKIN’ FOR A LIVIN’, AND YOU WANTED
A NEW DRUG!
STEVIE RAY VAUGHN, MUCH LOVE TO STEVIE RAY!
BUT NOOOO! THESE LOCO CHILDREN OF TODAY ARE FORCED TO GO ALONG
WITH THEIR IDIOTICALLY EFFETE KEYBOARDIST’S ASYMMETRICAL
PROGRAMMING!
SOME WHITE GUY WHO THINKS HE’S PRINCE, OR JIMMY JAM,
BUT REALLY IS JUST CONFUSED!
IT BURNS ME UP, SPA1!
CHECK OUT THE NERVE OF THIS LITTLE CREEP RIK! HE REALLY KNOWS
HOW TO PUSH MY BUTTONS!
Yo there old guy,
HEY, DO YOU KNOW SHAY-SHAY? YOU AND SHE SPEAK VERY SIMILARLY.
ARE YOU TWO WIGGERS?
How did you get into the industry, and how did you get
so disillusioned? <beats me> I am a young budding 19
yr old trying to do a physics degree,<hahaha> and I
would love to do live sound.<no kid, get a good job>
I believe in moderation in life,<don't we all, Mr. Bush,
don’t we all> as in not busting the guts out of some
speaker<ooh goody> if we may savour a little respect
for a love of music <so young, so innocent>.
I have had a fair bit of experience, but I can never find
anything past offering my services to people I know.<what's
new??>
I love your humour, and have provided anticipated responses
in <> brackets.
Thanks, Rik
RIK, LET’S EXPLORE THE INNER WORKINGS OF YOUR MIND.
I DEDUCE BY YOUR USE OF SOME ANGLICIZED SPELLINGS THAT YOU
ARE EITHER ACROSS THE POND IN MERRIE OLDE REDCOAT LAND, PLAYING
YOUR PENNYWHISTLE, OR ELSE DOWN IN OZ, HAPPILY MAKING CRAZED
GUTTURAL NOISES INTO YOUR CULTURALLY APPROPRIATED (STOLEN)
DIDGERIDOO.
YOU SEEM TO THINK THAT THE “ME” THAT EXISTS IN
YOUR BRAIN IS ACTUALLY WHO I AM. YOU THINK YOUR PERCEPTIONS
OF ME, THAT VIRTUAL VOODOO DOLL THAT YOU CALL THE OLD SOUNDMAN,
IS THE ENTIRETY OF MY EXISTENCE.
ON TOP OF THAT, YOU HAVE DEFIED MY REPEATED ADMONISHMENTS
TO YOU PILGRIMS - THAT I HANDLE THE FUNNY STUFF. YOUR ROLE
IS TO JUST POLITELY ASK THE AUDIO QUESTIONS, AND THEN SHUT
UP AND STEP BACK SO YOU DON’T GET ANY ON YA.
I SPRAY HUMOR LIKE A TRIBE CALLED QUEST SPITS RHYMES!
MORE PEOPLE READ ME THAN READ THE NEW YORK TIMES!
EVERYBODY APPLAUDS WHEN MY BELL CHIMES!
I’M A MASTER PERPETRATOR WHO NEVER GETS PUNISHED FOR
MY CRIMES!
YOU’VE NEVER HAD TO SUFFER ANY REALLY HARD TIMES!
IF YOU DON’T SHAPE UP, I’LL BUST YOUR GRILL WITH
A ROLL OF DIMES!
AND THESE ARE THE BREAKS, RIK!
LUV THE OLD RAPPIN' SOUNDMAN
