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Obnoxious Drummer
GET A LOAD OF THIS LADY'S RAP … SHE'S GOT SOME NERVE -
Greetings!
I spent 34 years as a drummer (and an obnoxiously loud one,
at that) before I embarked on this second journey as an audio engineer,
and surprisingly, I still have most of my ears. I'm now trying to
understand the psychology of today's FOH engineers who, with very
few exceptions, insist on providing a FOH mix that steps over the
threshold of pain. Everywhere I go, it's just too damn loud!
What's the point? Why is it necessary? Do they think the entire
audience is deaf or something? Or wants to be? I know that many
times this perception is exacerbated by a badly tuned system but
in the end, it still has to fall back on the engineer. Is there
any way we can "fix" these guys or should I just crawl
back under a rock?
I know, "There's a five dollar fine ... for whining."
DEAR FORMER O.L.D. (OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD DRUMMER) -
THERE ARE
SEVERAL ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS. THE FIRST, IF ONE IS A BELIEVER
IN KARMA, THEN IT'S OBVIOUS - YOU ARE BEING PUNISHED FOR THE SINS
OF YOUR PAST LIFE AS AN O.L.D.! YOU DISHED IT OUT, NOW YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO TAKE IT.
THE SECOND IS THAT EVIL IS REAL AND THESE
PEOPLE ARE POSSESSED. ON THEIR DEATHBEDS, THE VEIL WILL BE LIFTED,
AND THEY WILL WEEP BITTER SALT TEARS AND GNASH THEIR TEETH, WHEN
THEY REALIZE HOW THEY WERE LED ASTRAY AND UNWITTINGLY SERVED THE
PURPOSES OF THE MOST HIGH DEAFENER OF THEM ALL.
THIRDLY,
AND THE MOST PROSAIC REASON, IS THAT THE NOISE FLOOR THESE PEOPLE
WERE BORN INTO AND RAISED WITHIN THROUGHOUT THEIR ENTIRE LIVES IS
MUCH GREATER THAN THAT ORIGINALLY EXPERIENCED BY THEE AND ME. MY
PARENTS LET MYSELF AND SIBLINGS WATCH TWO HOURS OF TV A WEEK. ONE
HOUR OF THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY (SINCE THEY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT
UNCLE WALT'S SECRET RED VELVET FUN ROOM AT DISNEYLAND) AND THEN
A HALF HOUR EACH OF SKY KING AND LASSIE.
MOST KIDS TODAY
COME HOME, SLAP ON THE TUBE, AND IT SHOUTS 5.1 AT THEM UNTIL MIDNIGHT.
WE HAD MONOPHONIC CAR DASH SPEAKERS. THEY HAVE MEGABUCK AUTOMOTIVE
HI-FI'S THAT ARE SCREAMING THE FULL-BANDWIDTH RAGE OF YOUNG MILLIONAIRES.
WE RODE AROUND WITH THE WINDOWS DOWN FOR VENTILATION. THEIRS ARE
ROLLED UP WITH THE MAX AC ON, AND THE SPL'S ARE BEING RAM-JAMMED
INTO SENSITIVE EAR TISSUES, AS IF THE DRIVER AND PASSENGERS WERE
WEARING TEXAS HEADPHONES.
(PLEASE NOTE: BACK IN THE DAY,
THIS TERM REFERRED TO TWO LARGE DRUMFILLS SUCH AS CLAIR S-4'S, PLACED
LEFT AND RIGHT OF A DEAF DRUMMER'S HEAD. NOTABLE FOR THE WAY HE
EVEN THEN KEPT SCREAMING FOR "MORE!")
THEY LIVE
IN THEIR DAMN CARS. WE GOT IN THEM TO GO FROM POINT A TO POINT B.
ADMITTEDLY,
PEOPLE USED TO LOSE THEIR HEARING FROM OPERATING NAIL GUNS AND JACKHAMMERS,
AND STILL DO. WORK IN A STEEL FABRICATING WAREHOUSE FOR A SUMMER,
GRINDING ON A WHEEL, AND SEE WHAT THAT DOES TO YA. I SAW ROB HALFORD
ON VH-1 RECENTLY, WHO MENTIONED THAT THE SOUND OF THE STAMPING PRESS
ACROSS THE STREET FROM HIS MUM'S HOUSE TRANSLATED INTO THE CRASH
AND THUD OF THAT BAND HE STARTED OUT IN, WHAT WAS THEIR NAME?
THE
VILLAINS ARE THE MANAGERS WHO STAY BACKSTAGE DOING DRUGS AND COUNTING
MONEY INSTEAD OF COMING OUT TO THE MIX POSITION AND CUFFING THEIR
PET FADER-PUSHER UP SIDE OF HIS HEAD AND ORDERING HIM TO TURN IT
DOWN OR CATCH THE NEXT FLIGHT HOME!
I DO NOT WANT TO MALIGN
AN ETHNIC GROUP AT THIS SENSITIVE TIME, BUT I WILL SAY THAT PERFORMERS
WHO SMOKE HEROIN WITH THEIR MIXERS ARE NOT HELPING MATTERS AT ALL.
THE MIXER THEN BECOMES ANESTHETIZED AND IS PARTIALLY IN A DREAM
WORLD THINKING ABOUT THE DELIGHTS OF THE AFTERLIFE (OR SPANKTRVISION
BACK AT THE HOTEL.) HE THEN RUNS ALREADY-TREBLY INSTRUMENTS SO HOT
THAT ONLY THE FINEST IN PROFESSIONAL LIMITERS PREVENT HIM FROM BLOWING
THE 2" ELEMENTS OUT OF THE BOXES IN A SOARING TRAJECTORY PAST
THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE, TO LAND SMOKING AND GLOWING IN THE BUSHES BEHIND
THE LAST ROW OF SEATS.
DID THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION? GO
BACK TO PLAYING THE DRUMS!
WHERE'S MY FIVE BUCKS?
LUV
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
