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National Tradgedy
Dear Old Sound Man,
Because extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures,
Abdul will take the initiative and reach out to you. Yea, it's been
109 days since you publicly shish-ke-bobbed Abdul for his supposed
love affair with Sheryl Crow. And that Ernest Borgnine comment,
that was both clever and vicious. But Abdul will forgive you, he's
that kind of guy.
OSM HERE - LET'S BE CLEAR, ABDUL. YOU KNOW NOTHING OF FORGIVENESS.
YOU JUST DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO TRACK ME DOWN AND GO AT IT MANO
A MANO! THE CLEVERNESS AND THE VICIOUSNESS ARE IN THE MIRROR, ABDUL!
TAKE A LOOK, BUDDY, YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE WHAT YOU SEE! GUYS LIKE YOU
ARE A DIME A DOZEN! I EAT GUYS LIKE YOU FOR LUNCH! WAIT A MINUTE
- I DIDN'T MEAN THAT LIKE IT SOUNDED!
I READ YOUR BOOK, ROMMEL!
Your silence this past week speaks volumes. In the wake of the
World Trade Center attack, leaders usually come forth. You have
the byline, you have the duty to lead. Nothing to say? Are you that
jaded and emotionally dry as a camel fart as not to shed a tear?
What side are you on anyways? Abdul has Americanized the spelling
of his last name to show his support of the red, white, and blew.
Fire one!
Abdul EQ
ABDUL, YOU DO NOT DESERVE THE SUBTLE IRONY AND RICHNESS OF MY PERSONAL
VIEWS ON THE TRAGEDY. I HAVE DECIDED TO DROP BACK AND PUNT (THAT'S
AN AMERICAN FOOTBALL TERM THAT YOU MAY NOT BE FAMILIAR WITH) AND
REFER TO SOME OUTSTANDING THOUGHTS THAT I HAVE RECEIVED IN MY MAILBOX
AND SEEN PUBLISHED ELSEWHERE.
AN EXCELLENT SUGGESTION I RECEIVED THIS MORNING:
WHAT TO DO WITH OSAMA BIN LADEN?
KILLING HIM WILL ONLY CREATE A MARTYR. HOLDING HIM PRISONER WILL
INSPIRE HIS COMRADES TO TAKE HOSTAGES TO DEMAND HIS RELEASE.
THEREFORE, I SUGGEST WE DO NEITHER.
LET THE SPECIAL FORCES, SEALS OR WHATEVER, COVERTLY CAPTURE HIM,
FLY HIM TO AN UNDISCLOSED HOSPITAL AND HAVE SURGEONS QUICKLY PERFORM
A COMPLETE SEX CHANGE OPERATION.
THEN WE RETURN HER TO AFGHANISTAN TO LIVE AS A WOMAN UNDER
THE TALIBAN.
___
I THOUGHT THAT SPOKE TO THE SITUATION IN A RELEVANT, YET EXTREMELY
HUMOROUS WAY. I MEAN, A GUY LIKE YOU, WHO IS TALKING ABOUT CAMEL
FARTS, IS NOT LOOKING FOR AN ANALYSIS LIKE YOU WOULD GET IN "THE
NATION" - RIGHT?
___
"THE BOONDOCKS" DAILY COMIC BY AARON MCGRUDER, OCT. 4TH,
2001
(THE YOUNG PROTAGONIST) HUEY CALLS THE FBI'S TERRORISM TIP LINE
-
(HUEY) "I'M VERY SERIOUS, I KNOW OF SEVERAL AMERICANS WHO HAVE
HELPED TRAIN AND FINANCE OSAMA BIN LADEN."
(FBI) "AND HOW DID YOU COME BY THIS INFORMATION?"
(HUEY) "A LITTLE INVESTIGATING. IT WASN'T THAT HARD, ACTUALLY."
(FBI) "OKAY, GIVE ME SOME NAMES."
(HUEY) "ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE ... THE FIRST ONE IS REAGAN, THAT'S
R-E-A-G ... HELLO? HELLO?"
___
THAT HAD ME PERSONALLY ROTFMLOL - AND LASTLY, FROM THE INDIVIDUAL
WHO CALLS HIMSELF TOM TOMORROW; HIS WEEKLY STRIP "THIS MODERN
WORLD" RUNS IN FREE WEEKLIES NATIONWIDE -
(UNSEEN NARRATOR) "NOR CAN WE ALLOW DISSENTERS TO USE FREEDOM
OF SPEECH AS AN EXCUSE TO UNDERMINE OUR UNITY!"
WOMAN - "I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW SPENDING BILLIONS OF DOLLARS
ON A MISSILE DEFENSE SYSTEM IS USEFUL WHEN THE ENEMY IS ARMED WITH
BOX CUTTERS!"
MAN (SHAKES FINGER AT WOMAN) - "ZIP IT, YOU UN-AMERICAN FREAK!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I THINK I CAN SAY, WITHOUT RISK OF WIDESPREAD DISAPPROVAL, IT IS
A STAIN ON OUR COUNTRY WHEN INNOCENT PEOPLE, OR PLACES OF WORSHIP,
ARE ASSAULTED BY IGNORANT WHITE JERKS. IT IS ALSO NAUSEATING WHEN
CONGRESSWOMAN BARBARA LEE RECEIVES DEATH THREATS BECAUSE SHE VOTED
HER CONSCIENCE ON THE WAR APPROPRIATIONS BILL.
I'M NOT SAYING I AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH HER STANCE, BUT I WILL ABSOLUTELY
DEFEND HER RIGHT TO HAVE IT. IMO, SHE HAS MORE BALLS THAN ME, ABDUL,
AND EVERY OPINIONATED CRETIN ON THE LAB PUT TOGETHER.
DO WE LIVE IN A FREE COUNTRY, OR DO WE ONLY HAVE THE FREEDOM TO
AGREE WITH THE MILTARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX THAT PRESIDENT EISENHOWER
SO ELOQUENTLY AND PASSIONATELY WARNED US TO KEEP AN EYE ON? CHECK
OUT A KINESCOPE OF THAT SPEECH, IT IS VERY DEEP. AND PARTICULARLY
MEANINGFUL, CONSIDERING HE WAS A MILITARY MAN HIMSELF.
WE
HAVEN'T HEARD TALK LIKE THAT FROM ANYONE, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN,
WHO HAS OCCUPIED THE WHITE HOUSE AFTER HIM.
LUV MIXED WITH
SADNESS
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
