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One Legged Phil
Would you explain the frequency responses in hertz of the
various instruments in relation to how the human hears?
Oneleggedphil
PHIL, HOW COULD I NOT RESPOND TO SOMEONE WITH A NAME LIKE
YOURS!
SORRY IT’S TAKEN ME A WHILE, I HAD TO STRAIGHTEN OUT
THE USUAL GAGGLE OF GOONS WHO ARE ALWAYS BUGGING ME!
NOW, BEFORE WE GET STARTED, I JUST WANT TO SAY ONE THING.
IF YOU ARE AN ABLE-BODIED INDIVIDUAL AND NOT IN TRUTH A ONE-LEGGED
PERSON, THEN I WOULD FEEL USED, PHIL. BUT I DON’T BELIEVE
YOU ARE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE!
WANNA KNOW WHY? BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU SENT ME THAT NASTY
NOTE WHEN I DIDN’T ANSWER YOU RIGHT AWAY! HA HA, THAT
WAS GREAT! A CHARLATAN WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THAT!
SO I HAVE A TWO PART ANSWER FOR YOU, O.L.P.! THE FIRST IS
COURTESY OF THE PEOPLE OVER AT SIA SMAART, THE ONES THAT ABDUL
IS SO CONVINCED I ABHOR. I DON’T HATE THEM, PHIL! EVERY
PERSON ON THIS EARTH HAS THEIR USES, AM I RIGHT? USE ‘EM
AND LOSE ‘EM, I ALWAYS SAY!
SO HERE, FOR YOUR PERUSAL, IS A DIAGRAM
Click image for the
enlarged diagram!
WHICH SHOWS THE CORRELATION OF THE FREQUENCIES WE WISH TO
CONTROL AS THEY CORRESPOND TO THE KEYS OF A PIANO. IT IS COLORFUL
AND INFORMATIVE, DON’T YOU THINK?
WHAT’S THAT YOU ARE SNARLING? YOU NEVER TOOK PIANO LESSONS
AS A KID? YOU DO NOT PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT THAT HAS A TRADITIONAL
EUROPEAN TONALITY, THAT CAN BE REFERENCED TO INTERPRET THIS?
YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE REAL SOUNDMEN, NOT THOSE WISH-THEY-WERE-MUSICIANS
WANKERS, IS THAT IT?
WELL, CHECK THIS OUT, PHIL! I’VE STILL GOT YOU COVERED,
MATE! ON THE WEBSITE KNOWN AS PROSOUNDWEB.COM CAN BE FOUND
A SERIES OF ARCHIVAL IMAGES, SENT IN BY AN INDIVIDUAL NAMED
JOHN ROBERTS, AND PUBLISHED UNDER THE TITLE “SPEAKERS
OF THE GLORIOUS PAST.”
THE PART THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN IS A FREQUENCY
CHART. IT CLEARLY SHOWS YOU HOW THE HUMAN VOICE CORRESPONDS
TO DIFFERENT MEASURED FREQUENCIES. IT SHOWS YOU WHERE SIBILANCE
IS, AND WHERE VOWELS AND CONSONANTS EXIST! NOT TO MENTION
TIMBRE, BRILLIANCE AND THAT ALL IMPORTANT “THRESHOLD
OF FEELING!”
I KNOW I UTILIZE THAT QUITE A LOT IN MY OWN MIXES, DON’T
YOU? PEOPLE OFTEN COME UP TO ME AT A SHOW, SAYING I HAVE OVERSTEPPED
THE THRESHOLD OF THE FEELING THEY CALL “PAIN!” HA
HA! PHILISTINES!
THE CHART WAS CREATED BACK IN 1929, SHORTLY AFTER I STARTED
DOING SOUND! WHEN WE HAVE MORE TIME, I’LL HAVE TO TELL
YOU WHAT RUDY VALLEE WAS REALLY LIKE! THEN THERE WAS THAT
TIME THAT I STARTED DRINKING LATE ONE NIGHT IN PARIS WITH
SINATRA, LOUIE ARMSTRONG, DEXTER GORDON, AND COUNT BASIE!
WE DIDN’T STOP UNTIL WE WOKE UP ON A BIG AMPHIBIOUS PAN
AM CLIPPER, PARKED OFF HONOLULU! WOW! THOSE WERE THE DAYS,
PHIL, MY ONE-LEGGED FRIEND!
DO YOU LIKE ME NOW? OKAY, MAYBE THERE AREN’T OTHER INSTRUMENTS
ON THE CHART LIKE YOU ASKED FOR. BUT HERE IS A LINK TO A VIOLIN
CHART THAT SHOWS YOU HOW A WAVELENGTH IS ALWAYS TWICE
THE LENGTH OF THE STRING. THEY ALSO ILLUSTRATE THE RESONANCES
OF THE INSTRUMENT.
THESE SAME SCIENTISTS ARE WILLING TO RAP TO YOU ABOUT THE
GUITAR,
AS WELL. DO THE WORDS “RESONANT CAVITY” RING A BELL?
A DISTANT, FAR-OFF, HAUNTING BELL?
LASTLY, IF YOU COMPARE THOSE EXPLANATIONS TO THE BASS OSCILLATIONS
OF THE GIANT
STAR XI HYA, YOU SHOULD BE IN GOOD SHAPE!
LUV
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
