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Turnkey Systems
What is a Turnkey System? I used
the search engine and couldn't find anything on the website.
Beau Kastet
GREETINGS, YOUNG KASTET!
YOU WERE PROABLY BORN TOO LATE TO DIG THE MOTELS, A POWER
POP SKINNY-TIE BAND FROM THE EIGHTIES THAT FEAUTURED ONE OF
THE GREAT VOCALISTS OF OUR TIME, MARTHA DAVIS. MARTHA SANG
A SONG WITH A CHORUS THAT WENT: “TAKE THE ‘L’
OUT OF ‘LOVER’ AND YOU’VE GOT ‘OVER'..."
WELL, TAKE THE “N” OUT OF “TURNKEY”
AND YOU’VE GOT “TURKEY!”
THAT IS MY WAY OF WARNING YOU THAT PURCHASING A TURNKEY SYSTEM
CAN BE EITHER A GOOD DEAL, WHEN IT’S FROM A REPUTABLE
SUPPLIER, OR IT CAN BE A TICKET TO POORLY MATCHED, INSUFFICIENTLY
POWERED, AND IMPROPERLY CONFIGURED COMPONENTS, CHOSEN ON THE
BASIS OF A KICKBACK FROM SOME BUDDY OF THE SALESPERSON, WHO
IS A REP FOR BIG’N’BOGUS AMPS OR PEPE LE CRAPPE
CONSOLES.
YOU SEE, BEAU, THE MEANING OF “TURNKEY” IS THAT
ONCE YOU HAVE BOUGHT THIS SYSTEM, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TURN
IT ON. YOU KNOW THOSE CATALOGS THAT ARE ALWAYS CLOGGIN’
UP YOUR MAILBOX? SHOUTING AT YOU WITH SUCH-A-DEAL PRICES AND
EXCITING COLOR PHOTOS OF WHATEVER THE MANUFACTURER IS OFFERING
THEM A SPECIAL ON THIS MONTH?
THERE ARE THOSE WIDE-ANGLE FISHEYE PICTURES OF SOME JUMBO
KINDA-LOOK-LIKE-CONCERT SPEAKERS, SURROUNDED BY OTHER ITEMS
LIKE PIZZA TOPPINGS, RIGHT? THERE ARE THE CHEESY MICS, THE
XLR AND SPEAKON CABLES, THE AMPS, THE WEDGES, THE MIC STANDS,
YOU TOO CAN BE A SOUNDMAN! ONE EASY PRICE, THREE MONTHS SAME
AS CASH, OR THE SPECIAL CATALOG BOYS’N’GIRLS CREDIT
CARD, OH, THEY HAVE SIXTEEN DIFFERENT WAYS TO TAKE YOUR MONEY,
CHUM!
BUT YOU’RE GOING TO BE DIFFERENT! YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE
THE “P” OUT OF “CHUMP,” AM I RIGHT?
SHOP AROUND, PAL! DO YOU HAVE ANY SOUND FRIENDS WHO ARE A
LITTLE BIT MORE EXPERIENCED? IF YOU LIVE IN ANYTHING BIGGER
THAN A HAMLET, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO COMPARE THE PRICES OF
CLEAN USED GEAR, TO WHAT THE CHAINS ARE PUSHING AT YOU.
TO LET A CONTRACTOR PUT A RIG TOGETHER FOR YOU, YOU SHOULD
FIRST DEFINITELY HEAR SOMETHING THEY HAVE DONE FOR A PREVIOUS
CLIENT, AND IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, YOU SHOULD TALK TO THAT CLIENT,
AND FIND OUT IF MAYBE THE ACTUAL SYSTEM SOUNDS GOOD BUT THE
PERSON OR COMPANY WAS A PAIN IN THE SUBWOOFER TO DEAL WITH.
HEY, DID YOU KNOW THOSE NAVEL-GAZERS OVER ON THE LAB HAVE
ACTUALLY CREATED A SUBWOOFER DESIGN? WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE!
THEY FINALLY STOPPED ARGUING ABOUT THE BEST WAY TO TOTE MIC
STANDS AROUND, AND ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING. MAYBE
IT’LL EVEN SOUND GOOD.
I WON’T BE HOLDING MY BREATH.
LUV
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
