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Justice of the Peace
Sound brother J.P. has got some guts - he is one of those
one-mic guys, plus he has got good troubleshooting instincts.
Hi Soundman –
HI J.P.! ARE YOU A JUSTICE
OF THE PEACE?
HAVE YOU EVER PERFORMED A SHOTGUN
WEDDING?
While doing a gig outside on a single mic (AT4033a)
...
THAT’S NOT A SHOTGUN
MIC, IS IT?
JUST KIDDING, J.P., WE ALL KNOW WHAT A 4033 IS, AT LEAST THOSE
OF US WHO HAVE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THE LATEST OF MANY
MAGAZINE ADS FEATURING PHIL
RAMONE! HEY, HOW MANY OF THOSE MICS DO YOU THINK AUDIO-TECHNIA
HAS GIVEN HIM FOR FREE OVER THE YEARS?
A HUNDRED? TWO HUNDRED?
I THOUGHT I SAW HIM AT A SWAP
MEET LAST WEEKEND SELLING THEM OUT OF THE TRUNK OF HIS
CAR! I OFFERED HIM TWENTY BUCKS AND A PACK OF SMOKES FOR ONE,
BUT HE STARTED SCREAMING AT ME – MAYBE IT WASN’T
PHIL AFTER ALL.
HE SEEMS LIKE HE IS A PRETTY HAPPY KAJILLIONAIRE. I ALWAYS
LIKED THE MUSIC OF HIS LATE SON JOEY
MORE THAN ANY RECORD THAT OLD PHIL EVER PRODUCED, ANYWAY.
Did a good sound check while the crowd was small , but
needed to turn up the main volume as the crowd grew in size
and noise . Sound started to break down as we tried to turn
it up .
DUDE, WHAT DID YOU DO??!!
I found the PAD switch on the mike turned to 0db and switched
it to -10db.
I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU, J.P.!
This seemed to correct the problem and allowed us to turn
up our volume to suit the crowd.
DID YOU “GET LUCKY” THAT NIGHT, J.P.? I BET YOU
WERE THE HERO OF THE EVENING!
I would like to know when and where are the proper positions
for the pad switch, and also the low cut switch.
YOU ALREADY KNOW WHEN TO TURN THE PAD ON. TRUST YOUR INTUITION,
MATE! IF IT SOUNDS OKAY, IT IS OKAY.
THE LOW CUT SWITCH IS HELPFUL IN A VARIETY OF APPLICATIONS.
MOST PEOPLE ENGAGE IT, FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN USING THE MIC FOR
DRUM OVERHEADS, IN ORDER TO GET RID OF BOTHERSOME RUMBLY LOW-FREQUENCY
NOISE OFF THE STAGE.
I WOULD PERSONALLY ALSO USE THE LOW CUT ON GUITAR AMPS, BUT
OUR YOUNG FRIENDS WITH THE METAL HANGING OFF THEIR FACES,
AND THE SEVEN-STRING DETUNED GUITARS, MIGHT CHOOSE NOT TO.
I WOULD DEFINITELY USE IT IF I WAS MIC-ING PERCUSSION TOYS,
SUCH AS CHIMES, COWBELLS OR WOOD BLOCKS, THAT HAVE NO SUB-BASS
CONTENT.
Thanks ! Hope I'm not boring you with these low tech questions.
WHEN YOU START BORING ME, I’LL LET YOU KNOW, PAL!
J.P Westport Ma.
NOW TAKE THIS GUY WHO CALLS HIMSELF 80% PERFECT. I WOULD NOT
SAY HE BORES ME, BUT I WOULD SAY THAT HE IS ABOUT 10% OVER
THE LINE.
BUT IF YOU DO NOT PROSECUTE HIM TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF THE
LAW, YOU CAN SEE THAT HE IS MAKING A GARBLED ATTEMPT TO BE
NICE TO ME, TO ESTABLISH A HUMAN BOND, TO GIVE ME A CHANCE
TO PONTIFICATE!
Regarding the "yardstick" of knowledge in the
fields of physics/acoustics/mic choice & placement/gain
structure/digital signal processing, etc...
YOU FORGOT PIZZA MAKING!
WHAT, ARE YOU ANTI-ITALIAN?
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO UMBERTO’S
CLAM HOUSE?
I figur' I gotta good handle on the first 1/16 inch ...
SO YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH JOHN
WAYNE BOBBITT!
Comma, however ... What about error rates?
I'll presume someone of your age and experience has finally
reached a "six-sigma" error rate (i.e. 99.999999%
perfect). Or have you ??
IF YOU JUST DID THREE BONG HITS, TRY CUTTING BACK TO JUST
ONE A NIGHT.
I realize error rates are directly proportional to hours
behind the desk
IF YOU SAY SO … BUT YOU WOULDN’T KNOW IT FROM SOME
OF OUR FINE CONTEMPORARIES. BUT MAYBE YOU HAVE LED A SHELTERED
LIFE. IT’S SURE STARTING TO SOUND THAT WAY.
and ya need 'bout 3-4 thousand hours to let the promoter
keep ya on the job. When was the last time ya forgot to pan
a subgroup ch input back to center,
or overlooked the accidentally engaged switch or some other
"mental error" on the console?
Hopefully, you'll answer, "Why just last week I forgot
to ..." thus giving me hope and there ain't no such thing
as a "perfect show."
ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO, I TRIED TO PLUG AN XLR INTO THE MIC
STAND HOLE ON AN OLD SHURE
SM-56, DOES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY?
If however, you answer, "Gosh, I honestly can't remember
the last time I made a mental error on the board," then
I hope I live long enough to get there.
HEY, “EIGHTY,” DO YOU KNOW THE TERM PASSIVE
AGGRESSIVE? BECAUSE YOU ARE A TEXTBOOK CASE. YOU PART
HATE ME AND PART LOVE ME. YOU HAVE UNRESOLVED ISSUES WITH
A PARENT. LOOK, IT’S GOTTA BE TOUGH TO BE YOUNG IN TODAY’S
WORLD!
I RECOMMEND THAT YOU TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND SMASH ALL YOUR
DVD’S. TAKE THE PLAYER AND THROW IT THRU THE SCREEN OF
YOUR TV! THEN SELL YOUR COMPUTER, AND USE THE MONEY TO SEE
THE WORLD. YOU REALLY NEED TO!
thanks for listening!
80% perfect
NO PROBLEM – IT’S ALL GOOD – NO WORRIES
AND IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, I HAVE AN OLD SM-56 I’D LIKE
TO SELL YOU -
LUV
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
