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Gizmotrons
OUR BUDDY “CRAB” IS GETTING ALL BENT OUT OF SHAPE, BECAUSE
THE IDJITS AROUND WHERE HE LIVES ARE ACTING LIKE … IDJITS!
BUT CRAB IS SUCH A COOL SELF-ACTUALIZED INDIVIDUAL - HE IS WILLING TO
ASK US IF HE, HIMSELF, MIGHT BE THE PROBLEM! NOW THAT IS HUMILITY. YOU
YOUNGSTERS WOULDN’T KNOW HUMILITY IF IT BIT YOU IN THE CABLE TESTER!
HEARKEN NOW TO THIS TALE OF CRAB’S!
OSM,
YES, CRAB! SHOULD I CALL YOU MR. CRAB?
HEY, DO YOU HATE THAT SURIMI “KRAB”
STUFF AS MUCH AS I DO?
First I would like to say thank you for the informative
and very humorous articles.
YOU’RE WELCOME, CRAB
CAKE!
I've been running sound at gigs for over twenty years,
and I am a huge fan of compressor/limiters. We do everything
from reinforcement of acoustic acts to death metal.
YOU MUST HAVE A WIDE VARIETY OF SPEAKERS
OF ALL SIZES! THAT’S GOOD!
I back off compression, or load it hard, as the gig
requires.
SO FAR, SO GOOD, CHESAPEAKE
BAY CRAB!
A lot of friends that run sound for local bands toast
equipment, and ask my advice. I tell them "I've toasted
my share, and here is what I've learned."
YOU SEE YOUR MORAL COURAGE, SOFT-SHELL CRAB MAN? GIVE YOURSELF
A CLAW, I MEAN A HAND! LET’S ALL APPLAUD THE MAD CRAB
HERE, FOR HIS RUTHLESS HONESTY! HE DOESN’T PRETEND TO
BE MR. PERFECT! BECAUSE HE IS SECURE JUST BEING MR. CRAB!
REMEMBER THAT OLD NOVEL, “THE DEVIL AND DANIEL CRABSTER?”
AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT I THINK IT WAS CALLED …
The conversation always starts with amps and ends
with compressors.
I KNOW THAT EVERY CONVERSATION I HAVE EVER HAD STARTS AND
ENDS THAT WAY.
IT’S ONE OF THE OLD SOUNDWOMAN’S MANY COMPLAINTS!
They will call me up and ask, "Can you come to
the show and help us get dialed in?"
STOP GIVING THEM YOUR CELL NUMBER, CRAB
MALLET!
Every damn time, I find they end up with some wiz-bang
gizmotron instead of a GOOD BASIC comp/limiter.
NO REASON TO START SMASHING THEIR RACKS, CRAB
POT, THEY MAY BE IDJITS, BUT THEY PAID GOOD MONEY FOR
THEIR GIZMOTRONS!
Do I –
A: Tell them to take the thing back and get what they need?
B: Get my head out of the 70's and check out some gizmos,
or …
C: Give up on the free advice.
I'm about ready for C.
Happy Trails,
Crab
AS I SAID BEFORE, THE FACT THAT YOU INCLUDE (B) MAKES YOU
AN EXCEPTIONAL CRAB PERSON. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO RUN SMAART,
CRABBINGTON? CAN YOU OPERATE THE SOFTWARE FOR THESE GOSH-DARNED
NEW FANGLED LINE ARRAYS? NO?
WELL, THEN, MAYBE A GIZMOTRON HERE OR THERE ISN’T SO
MUCH FOR SOCIETY TO ASK OF YOU, AFTER ALL. IT DOESN’T
HAVE TO MAKE YOU AS PRETENTIOUS AS ALL THE THUGS AND TRUST
FUND CRYBABIES THAT POST OVER ON THE LIVE
AUDIO BOARD!
BECAUSE IF YOU WERE, YOU WOULDN’T BE WELCOME HERE!
LUV
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
