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Drums’n’Bass
I fooled you, didn’t I? You thought I had lost my
mind and I was going to talk about some out-of-control British
DJ’s, didn’t you? I’m sure Roni Size is a hard-working
young man, but what we are grappling with here in the U.S.-of-A.
today, unfortunately, are traditionalists, that is to say
persons playing the traditional drum kit and electric bass
way too loud for our colleagues to do their jobs!
My name is Jake.
WHAT’S UP, JAKE! YOU ARE WELCOME HERE!
I am 15 years old and run sound for my church.
YOU ARE A BRAVE YOUNG AMERICAN!
I hope to become a recording engineer after high school.
WE WON’T HOLD THAT AGAINST YOU, BECAUSE THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY! JUST DON’T MAKE MR. ASHCROFT MAD!
The church’s worship team is always complaining about the monitor sound, because the bass isn't loud enough for them, but he turns his amp up so loud that it bounces off the stage wall, and makes my main mix all muddy.
IF I COULD GET MY HANDS ON THIS “WORSHIP TEAM,” THEY WOULD START SINGING A DIFFERENT TUNE! ONE THAT GOES SOMETHING LIKE “WE DID NOT MEAN TO ACT SO UNLOVINGLY TO OUR BROTHER JAKE, OLD MAN! WE FORGOT THAT WE WERE LITTLE LAMBS, AND STARTED THINKING WE WERE BIG ROCK STARS IN THE CHRISTIAN MARKET!”
“WE PROMISE NOT TO DO THAT AGAIN, UNLESS WE ARE SUDDENLY ABLE TO SELL 18,000 TICKETS SOMEWHERE! DON’T KILL US, OLD MAN!”
“PLEASE STOP CHASTENING US WITH THOSE XLR CABLES! OUCH! PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON US! WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY? WHY DIDN’T WE HAVE MERCY ON JAKE? WE’RE SORRY, OLD MAN!”
YEAH, I’LL SAY YOU’RE SORRY! A SORRY BUNCH OF LOSERS! HOW DARE YOU PICK ON A 15 YEAR OLD KID!!! I WOULD MAKE THEM FACE A MIRROR WHILE I BEAT THEM WITH A HANDFUL OF 1/4” CABLES AND MADE THEM REPEAT A HUNDRED TIMES: “WE ARE SO PATHETIC THAT WE CANNOT PAY AN ADULT PROFESSIONAL TO OPERATE OUR SYSTEM! PLEASE FORGIVE US, JAKE!”
What should I do?
YOU ARE IN A JAM, JAKE. YOU SEEM LIKE A NICE KID. YOU DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOUR POSITION, BUT THESE CREEPS ARE MAKING IT A NO-WIN SITUATION FOR YOU.
THEY PROBABLY ARE NOT GIVING YOU ANY RESPECT,RIGHT? IF YOU WERE MY AGE, I WOULD SAY SIT DOWN WITH THE “WORSHIP TEAM” AND THE BASS PLAYER AND SEE IF YOU CAN COME TO A MEETING OF THE MINDS. WITH THE CONDITION THAT IF YOU CAN’T, YOU WOULD BOW OUT OF THE VISE THEY SEEM QUITE HAPPY TO PUT YOU IN.
THINGS CAN GET STICKY IN THE WORSHIP SCENE, ACCORDING TO A GUY I MET, WHO MIXED A VERY PROMINENT CHRISTIAN BAND. AT MANY OF THEIR GIGS, THE PROMOTERS WOULD BALK AT PROVIDING THE SYSTEM THAT WAS REQUESTED IN THE CONTRACT, AND START WHINING ABOUT HOW HE SHOULD GIVE THEM A BREAK, AS A CHRISTIAN BROTHER.
IN THE SECULAR WORLD, IT IS PRETTY CUT AND DRIED.
IDEALLY, THE PROMOTER SUPPLIES THE CORRECT SYSTEM AND THE BAND PLAYS THE SHOW. HE MAY SUPPLY AN INSUFFICIENT SYSTEM AND THEN THE BAND MAY CHOOSE NOT TO PERFORM ON IT. THE FINAL ALTERNATIVE IS THE BAND WEIGHS THEIR CLOUT, AND PLAYS ON THE INSUFFICIENT SYSTEM, WHILE CURSING UNDER THEIR BREATH THAT THEY CANNOT SELL 18,000 SEATS.
BUT NEITHER WHILE ADVANCING THE SHOW, OR ON THE DAY OF THE SHOW, DOES THE PROMOTER TRY TO PLAY ON MY BROTHERHOOD IN JESUS. NOPE, THEY ARE REVEALED AS JUST PLAIN UNADORNED WEASELS.
IF YOU WANT TO KEEP ON LEARNING MORE ABOUT SOUND, I WISH YOU LUCK, AND SINCERELY HOPE THAT YOU CAN FIND SOME LESS SELFISH INDIVIDUALS TO WORK WITH AS YOU GROW.
I ACTUALLY TALKED ABOUT BASS CRIMINALS IN ANOTHER COLUMN A WHILE AGO.
BUT CHECK OUT THIS OTHER DUDE – HE IS HURTIN’ FOR CERTAIN! SEE, JAKE, YOU’RE NOT ALONE!
I’m a guitarist, attempting to start a new band.
TAKE A NUMBER, PAL!
And having dealt with one too many loud drummers, I pose the question: how do you get drummers to not play so damn LOUD!!!
IF I KNEW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION, I COULD RETIRE!
I have asked him not play so loud, but (it) obviously didn’t work. Is there some kind of pad, or gear one can buy to lower the volume of the drums. A response would be greatly appreciated.
-Deaf in T.O
YES, THERE IS SUCH A PAD! IT IS COLORED BLUE AND OFTEN SEEN IN THE BACK OF MOVING VANS! BUT, MY DEAF FRIEND, THERE IS A CRUCIAL QUESTION THAT YOU MUST MULL OVER BEFORE YOU THROW THIS PAD OVER THE DRUMMER’S CYMBALS, IN THE MIDDLE OF A SET ONE NIGHT.
CAN YOU “TAKE” THIS GUY? IN A FIGHT TO THE DEATH, WHO WILL WIN? I DO NOT ADVOCATE VIOLENCE, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! IT IS NOT ME ADVOCATING IT, IT IS JUST A FACT OF LIFE THAT AFTER CASTING THE PAD OVER HIS KIT, YOU MAY WELL BE FACING EXTREMELY VIOLENT IMPULSES FROM THAT DRUMMER.
BUT, IF IT IS WORTH LOSING YOUR JOB FOR ONE MOMENT OF GLRIOUS EXULTATION, WHO COULD BLAME YOU? JUST TRY TO HAVE SOMEONE STANDING BY WITH A POLAROID OR A DV CAMERA!
I CAN’T SPEAK FOR ALL THE NOSE-IN-THE-AIR THEORY BOYS OVER ON THE LIVE AUDIO BOARD, BUT I KNOW THAT ME AND ALL MY BUDDIES WOULD LIKE TO SEE SOME PICTURES OR VIDEO OF IT!
IT WOULD PROBABLY BE UN-RELIGIOUS OF JAKE TO ADMIT IT, BUT HE WOULD PROBABLY GET A CHARGE OUT OF IT, TOO!
MAKE SURE YOUR INSURANCE IS ALL PAID UP!
LUV
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
