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Balanced and Unbalanced
Check out our new pal, Sam! Remember when you were starting
out in the sound biz, and you didn’t want to tell anybody
you didn’t understand the difference? Be nice to Sam,
you were young once, too! Me, I was never young …
Hello –
HI, SAM! HOW’S IT GOIN’?
I am an amateur teenage sound technician at my church.
I JUST HAVE A LOT MORE PRACTICE THAN YOU DO AT PRETENDING
TO KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. I OFTEN FRIGHTEN DOGS AND SMALL CHILDREN,
WHICH KEEPS THEM FROM NOTICING HOW AFRAID OF THEM I REALLY
AM, INSIDE!
BUT I GUESS AT THE CHURCH THEY FROWN ON SMOKING CIGARS AND
SCOWLING ALL THE TIME.
JUST KIDDING, SAM! I AM A HAPPY GUY, ASK ANYBODY.
I have a a bunch of questions that you can probably answer,
YOU’RE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I’M SITTING AROUND
A TABLE AT SOME DELI, WITH MILTON BERLE, RICKY AND LUCI, AND
BILLY CRYSTAL - HOW CAN I NOT SAY, “THAT’S GOOD,
SAM, BECAUSE IF YOU HAD SOME I COULDN’T ANSWER, WE’D
BOTH BE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE!” (CUE LAUGH TRACK)
I SAID, CUE THE LAUGH TRACK!
… but to start out, could you either explain to me,
or provide a link to an explanation on the internet, of the
difference between a balanced line, and an unbalanced line.
SAM, DO YOU KNOW WHAT A FANTASTIC RESOURCE THIS WEBSITE IS?
YEAH, THIS ONE RIGHT HERE, PROSOUNDWEB.COM. OF COURSE, I AM
THE BEST THING ON IT, THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING, AND YOU COME
HERE PRIMARILY TO DIG ME, BUT …
… IF YOU WERE TO HAVE TYPED “BALANCED VS. UNBALANCED”
INTO THAT LITTLE WINDOW ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE PAGE, AND
PUSHED "GO," YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE LINK
TO AN ESSAY
BY A GENTLEMAN NAMED AL KELTZ, THAT LITERALLY ADDRESSES JUST
THAT SUBJECT. THIS APPEARS COURTESY OF OUR GOOD FRIENDS OVER
AT WHIRLWIND.
NOT A ONE OF THEM WOULD RECOGNIZE ME IF THEY PASSED ME ON
THE STREET, THEY'RE TOO BUSY WITH THEIR BUDDY AL KELTZ. BUT
THAT DOESN'T MATTER! BECAUSE HE DID A GREAT JOB!
SAM, DID YOU MISS MY COLUMN
ABOUT SEARCH ENGINES?
IT SEEMS LIKE YOU KIDS SHOULD KNOW ALL ABOUT THEM. BUT YOU’RE
ALL TOO BUSY DOWNLOADING MP3’S OF MR. ME THING PERFORMING
ON THE HOWARD STERN SHOW.
OR THOSE DAMNABLE “CUSTOM” RING TONES FOR YOUR
CELL PHONES! THAT’S GREAT, NOW YOUR PHONE ONLY RINGS
LIKE 10,000 OTHER PEOPLE’S, INSTEAD OF TEN MILLION.
ANYWAY, GOOD OLD GOOGLE
YELDED THE FOLLOWING:
http://www.internews.ru/books/radiohandbook/12.html
http://www.proformance.net/support/_disc1/00000001.htm
http://www.monstercable.com/RobertHarley/ch11_p07.asp
What does my sound board accept? What do my mics put out?
HOLD ON ONE SECOND. LET MY LOVELY ASSISTANT ADJUST THE BLINDFOLD,
SO I CAN SEE NOTHING, NOTHING. LET ME ASK YOU SOME SIMPLE
QUESTIONS, SAM.
FIRST, PLEASE CLOSE YOUR EYES, TOO, AND JOIN ME IN MY WOMBLIKE
VIRTUAL LISTENING ROOM. THE REASSURING TONES OF THE
HAG ARE PLAYING THROUGH MY ZDM
RIG. IT’S NICE, ISN’T IT? YOU FEEL SAFE, HERE,
SAM, DON’T YOU?
OKAY, VISUALIZE THE END OF YOUR MIC THAT THE SINGER DOES NOT
SING INTO. IS THERE AN APERTURE WITH THREE PINS LOOKING UP
AT YOU, LIKE MINIATURE MORAY EELS IN AN UNDERWATER CAVERN?
DO YOU KEEP SWIMMING MADLY AWAY FROM THEM, IN THE DREAM, BUT
NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU PADDLE, YOU DON’T MOVE AN INCH?
THAT IS THE HYPNOTIC POWER OF THE BALANCED, LOW-IMPEDANCE,
THREE WIRE MIC!
NOW, IF INSTEAD YOU ONLY SEE ONE CABLE RUNNING OUT OF THE
MIC, LIKE A SEA SNAKE, ON THE END OF WHICH IS A SIMPLE JACK,
MUCH LIKE THOSE USED TO CONNECT THE INSTRUMENTS AND AMPLIFIERS
OF YOUR GUITAR AND BASS PLAYING FRIENDS, YOU ARE THE PROUD
OWNER OF A HIGH-IMPEDANCE, UNBALANCED MIC!
RICH PEOPLE USE BALANCED. POOR PEOPLE USE UNBALANCED. IT IS
UNFASHIONABLE TO DISCUSS CLASS ISSUES IN OUR NATION TODAY,
BUT THIS IS ONE OF THE GREAT INEQUITIES OF CIVILIZATIONS THE
WORLD OVER. PETER GABRIEL PROBABLY HASN’T SEEN AN UNBALANCED
MIC SINCE ABOUT 1967.
HOWEVER, BOTH THE CHRISTIAN RELIGION, AND THAT OF SOME SOUTHWESTERN
NATIVE AMERICAN INDIAN CULTURES, POSIT THE EXISTENCE OF A
TRICKSTER, A DEITY WHO JUST LIKES TO MAKE OUR LIVES DIFFICULT.
WITHOUT GETTING INTO THE WHOLE CONTROVERSY OVER THE GENDER
OF THAT BEING, ONE OF THEIR FINEST INVENTIONS IS WHAT YOU
WOULD CALL THE “STEREO” 1/4” JACK. YES,
SAM, THIS ACTUALLY RESULTS IN A BALANCED SITUATION, THROUGH
THE USE OF THREE WIRES.
IN ADDITION TO EXTENDING THE REACH OF TEN-POUND KOSS HEADPHONES
IN 1970’S COLLEGE DORMS, THESE JACKS AND CABLES ARE
OFTEN USED IN STUDIO PATCHBAYS, OR AS INSERTS ON SOME LIVE
CONSOLE CHANNELS.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SEEN SOME POOR SOUL TRY TO RECORD OFF
THE STEREO BUSS INSERT, BY ONLY PUTTING THEIR MONO 1/4”
HALFWAY IN?
DON’T DO IT, SAM! USE THE RIGHT TOOL FOR THE JOB, ALWAYS!
What about my CD player?
PROBABLY RCA. UNBALANCED.
Amplifier?
NOW YOU’RE GOING TOO FAR, SAM! TIME TO CALL IT A DAY!
Thanks much!
- Sam
YOU’RE WELCOME, SAM! WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOUR PHARAOHS,
ANYWAY?
THE WORLD MAY HAVE CALLED YOU A SHAM, BUT I NEVER DID!
LUV –
- THE OLD SOUNDMAN
