Hold This End: Units of Measurement
If I Had a Hammer... The Nonstandard Toolkit
Linguistic Diversity
Petticoat Junction: From the Costume Shop
Squints and Squeaks
We Just Might Burn in Hell for This
Moving Scenery
Tech 101
It's a Concept: Design Style
Politically Incorrect Soft Goods
Ooze, Stickum and Slime
Casting Central
Knot Again: Rope and Rigging
Toto, I Don't Think We're in Kansas Anymore: Terms on Tour

Casting Central

Full Cleveland : producer type in a pale green leisure suit, gold chains and white patent leather shoes. Paul Richardson

The Canadian version of this is the Full Nanaimo, except the leisure suit is white.... Charlie Richmond

Not to be confused with the Nanaimo Tuxedo, which is always a skookum plaid, and is never to be tucked in nor buttoned up. Tom Heemskerk

Nut driver = former, directionally challenged, employee with ability to superimpose side of truck and carport roof ........ and not notice. MPTecDir

Garlic Snapper - classical musician
Thumper - dance school performer unlikely to turn pro
Posers - non-working personnel, just above groupies
Board-Treader - a one-time performer from way back when, at a reception Tom Heemskerk

Rake Rat - the skinny guy who has to go under the deck to "toe it in" Colin Buckhurst

And I don't know if we want to go that route, but there's the whole world of nicknames for all of our various jobs (board whacker, squint, squeak, stage mangler etc) Colin Buckhurst

Gopher = the person who gets supplies (especially the decaf coffee and bagels) John D. Emery

Circuit Tester - the new guy on the crew or intern. Wilma's system wasn't well-grounded. Usage: "Hey circuit tester, grab that pipe and see if it's hot" Ken Wesler

Diva Patrol - person who walked an actor to their car/apartment Ken Wesler

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Ooze, Stickum and Slime

Splattering - misspelled form of painting technique. Richard Schroeder

I always like gooshi-gooshi or nuckemfuky for mastic, sealant, or caulking. "Shell"

'Round here that blue stick-em they sell for poster art and for stabilizing props is well known as Schmooie Andrew D Carson

Fluffyshmoogoo - light weight spackle Kurt F Oian

I worked in a regional theatre years ago that called water-based contact cement (it was green or blue colored), Gorilla Snot. Tommy Louie

No NO NO That stuff is Smurf guts, or Pureed Smurf.... Stuart Wheaton

If we want to stretch "technical" to include makeup (and why not?), we've always referred to cheapo hair gel as Elephant Snot. The same term was often applied to the wallpaperpaste mixture used to wet down and apply muslin dutching back when we still used soft-covered flats Pat Kight

I recall that the yellow Insulating Lubricant for pulling wires was known as Elephant Snot. Richard D Niederberg

Expanding polyurethane "spray foam" = Elephant Snot Duncan Mahoney

How about Jesus paint? Back at USU, we used to have a 5 gallon paint bucket that all the paint leftovers went into that would be mixed up and used as base paint. Since it would sit for weeks at a time, it would get rather ripe. We'd send freshmen over to get the Jesus paint. When asked why it was called that, we'd pry the top off and say, "Whew! Jesus!" Michael Sorensen

At one school I was at, we called this stuff toxic waste. Here at OU, it's lovingly called ass paint. Clare Adams

I hope this doesn't upset anyone here, but at one of my schools, that bucket of musical comedy grey (olde paints in one bucket) - the students call it the dead infant grey due to the unholy smell. Jon Ares

And the color is poodle s%$t brown after you mix 'em all! Susan L. Kelley

BooBoo Be Gone: flat black paint
Roll of Paint: Gaffers tape used to "paint" an object black Ron Cargile

Holiday - You missed a spot! Sarah Gowan

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When the Shui Won't Feng - Architecture for the Theatre

Black Box - obvious to us but I think the rest of the world thinks flight recorder when they hear it Colin Buckhurst

We have a closet that's below a staircase which is only about 3'6" clearance, known as Tattoo's Office. Gerald Ford

Dimmer Beach, Monitor Land, Guitar World - production areas onstage Tom Heemskerk

Bastard Stage - prompt corner on the off-prompt side Tom Heemskerk

Gravity Well: Roughly cylindical area of space centered on anyone working at heights from the floor to the person working.

Here at the Phoenix Theatres, University of Victoria we have a furniture storage room called Wicker World, another storage area called Hobbit Land and our Gel storage/Lx fixit space is called Sick Bay. Keith Houghton

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Tech 101

One of my favorites is the thing you sometimes found when setting up your set for the first time. We used improved stage screws a lot and after the set was in position we want around and put inserts into the floor to hold down our jacks. when there was already one there, it became a Magic Hole. John Chenault

Wonky = not ezzackly plumb, Chris "Chris" Babbie

Marketing Repair = "Oh, yeah, thats custom distressing, we didn't charge you for that..." Chris "Chris" Babbie

Dog-earred referring to flat condition, Richard Schroeder

I hadn't thought of this in a long time, but when I first got to Ithaca, we had a student who didn't know the correct name for ethafoam backer rod. So he called it electric dildo! John Bracewell

Our properties instructor has her own language in the shop which we have dubbed "Sandeez":
Staple the piss out of it - be sure the upholstry material is well secured
Tits on a worm - a very detailed prop Kurt F Oian

Gak - little frou-frou stuff
[Insert country of your choice] Road Case - cardboard box on tour
[Insert another country of your choice] Velour - tarpaper used as masking or skirting Tom Heemskerk

Jiz / Kak - same as gak, when used as a noun. (*Gakked up* being something else entirely)

Toeing in - driving nails or screws at an angle Colin Buckhurst


Gazinta - A piece of hardware that fits into another (that piece gazinta the other one). Susan L. Kelley

"...like a monkey f***in' a football" = used to describe the situation when a person or group isn't really qualified for the task they are trying to
accomplish ... (see also "cluster-f***") Fred Schoening, Jr.

see also Goat Rodeo IAEG

I always thought it was... This looks like 3 monkeys trying to f##k a football. Mark O'Brien

And the sound guys refer to it as three monkeys trying to f*** a balloon. It adds a soundtrack to the vivid visual... Chris "Chris" Babbie

Around here "I'm going to find a wrench" is the polite way of saying that you're headed to the restroom and might be there for a while. Christopher Hofmann

Working on films, I learned that a clothes pin is a C-47 Sigrid Wolf

C-47 is the military parts number for a milspec wooden clothespin of specific dimensions and pinch strength. Richard D Niederberg

...and let us not forget some of the nifty phrases the military have generously loaned us, such as:
FUBAR = F***ed Up Beyond All Recognition
SNAFU = Situation Normal: All F***ed up Fred Schoening, Jr.

TARFU = Things Are Really F***ed Up Colin Buckhurst

OSRIC = Oh S**t, Run In Circles Stephen Litterst

MUNG(ed): Mashed Until No Good

SANO: cleaning the stage space for the arrival of the talent John D. Emery

IN: Down
OUT: up
STRIKE: lots o' work John D. Emery

Going over to the dark side. When a tech auditions for a role. Randy Whitcomb

To beat upon something with a hammer until it resumes working or moves into position = Dynamic Recalibration Duncan Mahoney

To break apart scenery with a sledgehammer = Scene Shop Croquet Duncan Mahoney

A term an old engineer I worked for once frequently used described pounding the side of a rack or a piece of equipment until it started working again. The term: lateral maintenance.

"Lose this": phrase spoken to someone being handed an item that needs to just go away.

We had had a minor train wreck during a show, and were discussing it in a rather animated fashion afterwards in the bar. I said something to the effect of '...and everyone was yelling at me, and I couldn't get the knife out of the dog...' A couple of people nearby were apparently quite taken aback. So for non-standard terms I would add:
Train Wreck
Knife
Dog
BACatlarge

finger welding--anytime you get a shock Michael Sorensen

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Knot Again: Rope, Rigging

Tips - Canadian pipe-ends
Pipe-ends - American tips Tom Heemskerk

Tail-down - To suspend a batten or other piece of scenery below the real batten, for various reasons, usually with aircraft cable. Tom Hansen

(Contractor's name withheld) Bowline - a term I heard somewhere we were recently to describe the not-a-knot used by said contractor's employees to send stuff to the grid. BACatlarge

triple halifax - that knot ya run across that you can't identify, but has more ins and outs than conceivable
predator knot - same as above Tim Resch

Around here, that's a triple Yocum, named for Jim Yocum, one of our prop guys who is genetically programmed to be unable to tie any knot
properly. (Can I get an amen, Phil Johnson/Rich Lindsay?) Also known as a Halifino knot. As in:
"What kind of knot is *that*??" (with disgust in the voice)
"Halifino..." Dave Vick

We call those knots a friction knot. Don't know what kind of a knot it was meant to be, but friction seems to be holding it.
Along those lines (sorry for the pun) how about the gopher knot: any knot that requires you to go for your knife to "untie" it. John D. Emery

Lotsa Knot: similar to the "Friction Knot". Lotsa ins and outs and loops and whatever that will probably hold but shouldn't have been used.
Gravity Knot: Same as "Friction Knot" and "Lotsa Knot". It holds due to the gravity of the situation should it fail. Ron Cargile

Many years ago I was preparing to rig a production of Peter Pan in a theatre in NC. After getting the theatre specs, told the producer that she would need batten extensions in order for us to hang enough track (so that the operators were well into the wings). I was told "OK." When I got to the theatre, there were no batten extensions. When I asked why, she said that no one there knew what a "batten" was. When I pointed it out to her she said, Oh, you mean a "BAR." I think I have been on at least two jobs since where I have heard this term used. Delbert Hall

Have we had Sundaying as a reference to tying a snub line yet? Colin Buckhurst

Hasn't everybody at some time wished they had a Sky Hook to magically hang something. Especially where there is no fly space! Sigrid Wolf

Breasting AKA: Hootering (being PC; cuz there is a restaurant with that name) John D. Emery

Spanner at The Herberger Theatre Center, Phoenix AZ: a loader who puts one foot on the T-track while loading (not allowed - thats for Uncle Bill) John D. Emery

Piss on that bag: adding just a few more pounds to a sandbag John D. Emery

And of course, woof! means "that's good, lock it." That was coined when someone on the rail got impatient and said "SPEAK!!!" Mickey Carter

Pipe end: McCarter's (Princeton, NJ) definition: "where the pipe ends, and the air begins" John D. Emery

Counterweight = Pig Duncan Mahoney

Cheesebourghs have become Cheeseburgers Steve Waxler

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Toto, We Aren't in Kansas Anymore: Terms on Tour

A couple of decades ago in summer stock I overheard an actor talking about the tools in the scene shop refer to the radio alarm saw. John Himmelberger

Radio alarm saw reminded me of a tool we use called the nomadic air gun. the name obviously from badly spelled test answer. Richard Schroeder

Brownwood Texas, February 1978
Joffrey II Dancers Tour.
Venue: HS Auditorium
Crew: HS Students carrying empty Coca-Cola cans to spit their tobacco in ( I am not makin this up )
First Order of Biz:: Clean dead rodents out of dressing rooms before company arrives ( I am not makin this up )
Second Order of Biz: Scratching head at first then trying to not laugh too hard when finding out that their term for glass rondels is Gelatoids ( I am not makin this up ) IAEG

Many years ago I used to do sound for the annual lampoon show done by the graduating class of the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine. It was an extravaganza of effects and scenery, with the humor tending toward the gynecological. Over the years they had developed an entire lexicon of "theatrical" terms, and I decided it was easier to speak to them in their language. A few examples:

Battens were "poles", drops were "flyers". You'd "cone in" a followspot to make the beam smaller. One would "tease a flyer down" until it was at the right height at which point it was correctly "teased". And of course stage left and stage right were reversed -- that was the only one I asked them to change, to protect my sanity. Paul Garrity

My friend John Tissot tells another tale of the Three Rivers, about the time he was loading in at Pittsburgh's Civic Light Opera and the house electrician came up to him and asked what he should do with the killer whales.
"The what?"
"The killer whales. You know, the whales! With the killers in them!"
"WHAT?!?!"
After a few minutes of this, it was discovered that the electrician was saying "color wheels" in Pittsburgh-ish. Paul Garrity