Jokes

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled down by a strong currant.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

A man walks into a pub, and notices Vincent Van Gogh is
standing at the bar.
"Do you want a pint, Vince?" he asks.
"No, thanks," replies the artist. "I've got one 'ere."

I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a mussel.

Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It went down the lane and turned in to a field.

A brain and a jump lead go into a pub and order some drinks.
The barman says "I'm not serving you two!"
"Why?" asked the brain.
The barman replies,
"Because you are out of your skull and he is bound to start
something."

Answer phone message
"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."

What do you give a cannibal who is late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.

Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic?
He choked on his own vimto.

A woman arrives at a bank with a fifty pound note stuck in each
ear, and asks to see the manager.
The cashier steps through to the managers office:
"There's a woman to see you, she's ?100 in arrears."

Our local chemist was robbed last week and a quantity of viagra was
stolen. Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CD's?
In Iraq.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Please send anything you think is funny to us by emailing it to webmaster@prosoundweb.com with the subject line fun and any comments you would like attached or better yet steel it from your associate and put them on the web.

We will strive to to make you laugh.