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WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish..........................49
Adventurer......................Slept with all your friends
Athletic........................No tits
Average looking.................Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful.......................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated........................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure..............Medicated
Feminist........................Fat ballbuster
Free spirit.....................Junkie
Friendship first................Trying to live down reputation as
a slut
Fun.............................Annoying
Gentle......................... Comatose
Good Listener...................Borderline Autistic
New-Age.........................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned...................Lights out,missionary position only,
no BJs
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate......................Sloppy drunk
Poet............................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional....................Certified Bitch
Redhead.........................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque.....................Grossly Fat
Romantic........................Looks better by candle light
Social..........................Has been passed around like an hors
d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous......................Very Fat
Weight proportion w/ height.....Hugely Fat -as tall as you are wide
Wants Soulmate..................Stalker
Widow...........................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart..................Old bat
MEN'S ADS
40-ish..........................52 and looking
for 25-yr-old
Athletic........................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking.................Unusual hair growth on ears, nose,
& back
Educated........................Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit.....................Banging your sister
Friendship first................As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun.............................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking....................Arrogant
Very good looking...............Dumb as a board
Honest..........................Pathological Liar
Huggable........................Overweight, more body hair than
a bear
Likes to cuddle.................Insecure mama's boy
Mature..........................Older than your father
Open-minded.....................Wants to sleep with your roommate
but she's not interested
Physically fit..................Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet............................Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom
stall
Sensitive.......................Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive..................Gay
Spiritual.......................Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable..........................Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful......................Says "Excuse me" when
he farts
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