What
does a German Hammond organist do in his life's most tender moments?
He puts his Leslie on "slow".
The organ is the instrument of worship for
in its sounding we sense the<br>
Majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.
The organist's motto: practise while he preaches!
What do you call a short headmaster?
A 4-foot principal.
How does an organist change his/her old fashioned underclothing?
With a "combination" piston!
What do the Germans call keys packed in a container whose volume
is similar to a quart?
Manualliter.
Why is the pipe organ more moral than a grand piano?
Because it's principals are more upstanding!
Why is it more permissable to play risque
music on a grand piano?
Because the studio consoles are more upright!
Did you know Bach had some 10-14 children?
They say there were no stops on his organ..
Did you hear about the man who went streaking
through the church?
They caught him by the organ...
What is the difference between an organist
and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What's the best use of that ubiquitous Hammond
accessory, a Leslie tone cabinet?
Kindling. To set the Hammond on fire.
How many organists does it take to change
a light bulb?
Two. - One to do it, and one to make a really dumb remark about
how much quicker and easier it would be to change, if it had pistons.
The Ten Commandments of Organ Practise
1. Thou shalt practise every day, even
if only for a short period.
2. Thou shalt NEVER practise faster than thou canst play perfectly,
for it is written: Perfect Practise Makes Perfect.
3. Thou shalt NOT put off working on the hard parts; David did
not invite Goliath to come back after tea.
4. Thou shalt work out a usable fingering, inscribe it on thy
papyrus and NEVER vary from same, for Fumble Fingers Find Fate
Fickle.
5. Thou shalt never apologise for thy playing, nor say "Oops!"
when thou makest a mistake, for thou wilt only draw attention
to things which otherwise would never be noticed by the thick
people.
6. Thou shalt practise each composition in short segments; that
thy fingers may not break off more than thy mind can chew.
7. Thou shalt listen ... and not only to organists, for it is
written: What this untidy world needs is fewer organists and more
musicians who can play the organ
8. Thou shalt NOT play pedals without shoes ... for thy Odor-Eaters
may be spent, and besides, it leads to sloppy playing.
9. Thou shalt begin and end each practise session with something
thou canst play readily, that thou mayest not be discouraged.
10. Thou shalt always remember that thy practise is a labour of
love and that by persistence (oft proved by thyself in other undertakings)
thou canst bring to pass many wonders.
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